Most people believe that Alphas
are very good at making
decisions.
And we are… but of what kind?
It will be good if you look now and see what type of decisions you CAN
make without undue back-and-forthing, overanalyzing, drama, trauma, or obsessive control.
When you discover you can, in fact, make SOME decisions without going to a crazy place, you will have proven that you do have the ability to make all decisions without going to a crazy place. The key point of differentiation is what kind of decisions put you in your crazy
place.
So, if you’re playing along at home, get out a piece of paper and a pen and make two columns on your page. Put a line straight down the middle of the page and label the column on the left "Peaceful Decisions" and label the column on the right, "Always a Fight" or "Decisions with Struggle".
You need to identify the types of decisions you make peacefully and then look for the patterns and the similarities. Likewise, you need to identify the types of decisions that are always a struggle for you and look for the patterns and the similarities.
Do the differences come down to who is involved?
Does the amount of money matter?
Are your work decisions always in one category, or the other, and if they split between both, why?
Get curious!!
If you’re struggling to do this for yourself, sit down first,
and do it for your best friend, your husband or your mother.
You’ll be shocked at how easy it is for you to detect the Patterns in someone else’s decisions. You’ll see what they are solid and easy with, and
decisions that create chaos for them. Very good exercise to do for your mate!
What you will uncover in your peaceful decisions
is the type of decisions you feel trust with.
In your other column, you will spot the types of decisions
where you feel fear.
Remember, your core defense mechanism as an Alpha, is when you feel fear, you immediately shift into controlling.
So any decisions that you’ve been of two minds about, struggled over, overanalyzed to the ends of the Earth, and felt like you had to control every man and his dog about… You felt real fear over.
Why Do We Avoid Making Decisions?
Facing these deepest fears is what we seek to avoid at all costs. So those are the decisions that we put off, vacillate on, and
usually back ourselves into a corner, where we’re forced to decide. That, of course, is not optimal, because some of our choices and options have timed out, due to our avoiding handling it sooner, when we could have.
Note: the whole point of you, avoiding making a decision until it’s nearly too late, is because you perceive too many choices or don’t like the choices presented. You wait
until it’s too late so that one or more options is foreclosed. At that point, the decision feels “easier”, as there is less to choose from. It’s a false sense of lowered risk. When you accept this truth, the urge to avoid weakens.
What are
We Scared Of?
In general, as Alphas, the types of decisions that are going to fall into your fear category, are ones that trigger your suppressed emotions and feelings. Decisions where you might have to put yourself first, be abandoned or take a risk that threatens revealing your deep weaknesses, are going to
evoke instant and sustained fear in you.
Those fears will make you control, overanalyze, second guess, regret, push and shove, and basically be a person you do not like. Understand that it makes sense. Remember my only four words. The most important law in the Universe is As Within, So Without.
In these decisions, you are demonstrating that your ‘within’ is afraid. So your ‘without’ decision is unstable, unsteady and invites attack (both from you and from others).
The process of learning how to trust yourself and restoring the trust
that was violated in your family of origin (and subsequently re-violated by life around you) is as critical as it is arduous.
It is enough that I have given you this starting place.
If you are struggling with indecision, overanalysis, regrets and inability to commit to yourself and feel peace with your own decisions...this will impact your entire life.
I am not overstating the case, when I say that you literally won’t be able to have peaceful relationships were people commit to you,
because you can’t have on the outside, what you haven’t already had on your inside.
We love doing analysis. So do the analysis here and prove to yourself that this is a Trust versus Fear issue.
That will give you a place to begin the journey out of fear
and back to trust.
In Joy,
