Don’t think this doesn’t apply to you if your marriage is not struggling or failing. It DOES. It applies to ALL marriages. 

If your marriage is okay (just okay), tell the truth to yourself about that. Then ask that deadly follow-up question? Cue Discomfort to enter….HERE. 

 Question: Why isn’t it BETTER than that?

If your marriage is good, tell the truth to yourself about that. Is it GOOD because you are sacrificing too much? Suppressing your needs? 

I’ve been in the relationships business for a long time (High Conflict Divorce lawyer since 1998). Every once in a while, I hear a young, cocky Alpha telling me that SHE has NEVER had an argument with her mate. 

Possible? Yes. But most likely, that comes from a woman becoming EXPERT at suppressing her own needs and feelings without even NOTICING it. 

IF you have no needs & no feelings and nothing you will speak up for…they yeah…you’ll never argue! He automatically gets his way. 

And if I AM Struggling? 

One thing that kills Alphas in Alpha/Beta struggling marriages is that HE speaks his feelings or is upset when HE wants to, but YOU DON’T. 

He has taken the feminine role to be heard, and you have taken the masculine (Alpha) role to listen and solve. That has to change if your marriage is to recover. 

You are not heard because you think he won’t listen. All the ways you’ve spoken to him in the past didn’t work, so you’ve shut down. You’ve learned to walk on eggshells and stay silent. 

Angel. Tell yourself the truth.

I know “tell yourself the truth about your marriage” sounds insignificant but it is NOT. 

Honor your feelings and tell yourself where you are hurting.

Where you’ve stopped wanting what you REALLY want from a marriage and relationship because you cannot imagine him giving it to you. 

Embrace the Discomfort of telling yourself the truth about your marriage. 

Here’s a secret. You cannot respect a person that lies to you, right? Well, YOU are lying to YOU. You CAN give voice to the truth (good, bad or ugly) without having to start a fight, move out, call a lawyer or threaten him.  

Notice how HARD it is to look yourself in the eye and say: 

• “We’ve become roommates and I don’t feel attractive anymore.” 
• “I’m lonely and I’m too tired to try to fix anything anymore.” 
• “He’s a good dad, but I feel like he’s a thousand miles away sitting next to me on the couch.” 
• “I’m afraid to ask him for what I want because I don’t think he can do it.”

It is NOT a cliché that the truth will set you free. It is the very first step in a chain of events. Give yourself the truth ladies. 

If it’s okay, WHY just okay? If it’s good, WHY only good? 

If it’s struggling, WHAT is going on that’s hurting you and why are you letting it continue? 

I have worked with C suite executives, millionaires, celebrities, women ranking as high as Lt. Kernel in the military, and ALL were LYING to themselves to start! You aren’t alone love. I did it too.   

Step into the Discomfort of the real status of your Relationships. If you are blessed with stable marriage, investigate your girlfriends. 

Alphas struggle to have healthy female friendships. I’ve imploded more than a few “best friends” once I turned the light of truth on to them.  

No matter what your situation, you will feel RELIEVED when you stop ignoring the evidence of your eyes and confess what you feel to yourself.