[Relationships] The Power of Vulnerability

[Relationships] The Power of Vulnerability - The Linchpin of Love #2

Published: Wed, 08/14/19

Photo of Tanya, Coach for Alpha Women Entrepreneurs

Vulnerable People Get Protected & Loved

Last week we talked about why vulnerability is the key to strength. Now let’s dive into something juicier… Love.

Vulnerability is the linchpin of love.

When you get good at being vulnerable, there are layers and layers of deeper love that you can receive and attract.

Want solid love? Want deep vulnerability.

Last Week: Vulnerability Gives Strength#1

They Say Love Makes You Weak...

Nahhh. What it does do is give you the STRENGTH to show someone when you feel weak. Love protects you from your fear of getting “gutted”. A dog rolling over to expose his belly is love. It is true trust, as you are an Apex predator that could kill that dog easily, using his vulnerable, soft belly.

And don’t you just love the dog who can not only roll over and be vulnerable but does it happily?? What about the dog that has his head down, eyes wary and snaps when you touch with affection? Much harder to love.

Alpha men do not fall in love with you because of your strength. Strength is a trait they look for in male counterparts and competitors. That's the wrong polarity. They fall in love by being declared WORTHY of your absolute trust. How is that absolute trust shown? By weakness. By vulnerability. By guard down truths.

We often lead with strength and independence (i.e., "I don't need you") - the exact things that repel love! The mates of most Alphas have learned to love them DESPITE the obstacles thrown in their way. Loving you is not always easy for them. And after 2 decades in divorce law, please know that fighting YOU to love YOU can & does wear thin.

Alpha men do not fall in love with you because of your strength. They fall in love with you because of your TRUST & RESPECT proven by your vulnerability.

That which can be destroyed by the truth...should be.

They Say Love Makes You Blind...

Nope. Love is incredibly clear seeing.

History assumes lovers do not SEE their beloveds faults and vulnerabilities because they kept loving them. It’s the opposite. They saw, felt honored by that trust and felt safer about their OWN FLAWS and so, kept loving.

Do You Want To Be Right or Happy?

When you need to be right or hear them admit you ARE right and fight for this, regardless of the damage it does to your relationship, it is because you FEAR BEING VULNERABLE.

Remember, I taught you, being happy often means you need to be willing to be WRONG? It also means you need willingness to be vulnerable. To tell your truth without an attempt to control the outcome. Don't try to make it "safe" or withhold if it's not.

If you cannot tell the truth to your beloved, it is because you do not trust them to stay/love you if you ask for what you need or show imperfect feelings.

I’ve taught this quote before. It’s a favorite.

“That which can be destroyed by the truth SHOULD BE”.

----PC Hodgell

In the 30 seconds after you tell a deep truth you may feel sick, relieved or terrified. This has more to do with your anxiety that someone you love may leave you and you can’t stop (control) them, than what you said.

IMPORTANT: Not all ways of being vulnerable are equal. Some approaches make it more likely you’ll be heard and others less. In the end, if your truth destroys something, you should question how solid it actually was.

In real love, the sight of you weakened, lost and afraid (or angry, hurt and in despair) will not trigger rejection. You evoke protection, empathy and trust.

If you are deeply afraid to show your anger or naked hurt, consider that feedback on the overall health of your relationship.

Don't go extreme though. Zero vulnerability prevents love and constant vulnerability (neediness) kills love. Balance is needed.

Love requires Vulnerability.

Who do you let SEE you when you come undone?

In Joy,

P.S. Another form of vulnerability is to NOT defend yourself from what "looks" like an attack from a loved one. Not everyone IS a coach or has a coach. My honey may say something triggering to me and I can instantly armor up OR I can get vulnerable and ask myself "What is hurting him? Where did that come from? What did I miss?"

I promise you, that is not easy to learn or sometimes do. Just remember, that everything that is not love, is a cry for love. (from a Course in Miracles)

To hear and answer your partner's cries for help, imperfectly delivered, is real love flowing from vulnerability. -- Alpha Life Coach

Tanya Stewart is "The Alpha Woman Coach" and began coaching strong women as a Divorce lawyer in her own high conflict law firm 20 years ago. She understands how Alpha women are wired and using her Master’s level Metaphysics background and Advanced Clinical Certification in Hypnotherapy, she brings rapid change to people she works with.

She is a speaker, published author and Mensa member whose coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor. She can teach you to separate struggle from success.

ALL My videos are always on my Vimeo channel HERE

Find Even More on the Resources page of the website: www.FearlessFocusCoaching.com/Resources