Sept/Oct 2021:

Published: Thu, 09/23/21

The Connection!

(Late)September/October 2021

Tony Davis Psychotherapy

Couples Therapy & EMDR

OFFICE HOURS

OFFICE CLOSURES:

Saturday, October 30th (Halloween weekend)

Office hours for the weeks before and after closed dates may be adjusted to accommodate. Please note regular hours.

HOURS FOR IN-OFFICE OR TELEHEALTH SESSIONS: (subject to change week-to-week):

Mondays: NOT IN THE OFFICE

Tuesdays: 10am-9pm

Wednesdays: 7-9pm(video sessions only)

Thursdays: 10am-9pm

Fridays: NOT IN THE OFFICE

Saturdays: 9am-5pm(sometimes 6pm)

Sundays and Major Holidays: NOT IN THE OFFICE

I offer complimentary 50 minute consultations in office or via video. Please contact me for availablity.

Note that if you are a current client and cannot find a time that works for you in my availability calendar, you can contact me directly.

CLIENT CORNER

GUIDELINES FOR IN-PERSON SESSIONS:

I have been fully vaccinated with the Moderna vaccine. If it has been at least two weeks since you have been fully vaccinated, I encourage you to return to in-office sessions if you have been using telehealth. Masks are required in-office even if you are fully vaccinated as long as the indoor mandate is in place. Please NO masks with ventilation outlets.

If you have not been fully vaccinated against COVID-19, office sessions are not available--I am happy to offer you video sessions.

I will continue to offer both in-person and telehealth sessions for individuals and couples. Please keep in mind that reimbursement for telehealth services is subject to change depending on applicable laws and insurance regulations.

My practice will continue to follow best practices to reduce the risk of spreading the coronavirus. Please understand that I may be required to notify local health authorities if you inform me that you have tested positive for COVID-19 and have recently had an in-office session. If so, I will only provide information that’s only absolutely necessary for their purposes. I remain committed to following state and federal guidelines and to adhering to prevailing professional healthcare standards to limit the transmission of COVID-19 in my office.

If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask. We will get through this together by staying safe and on top of new developments and guidelines.

Now let's take a look at the feature article!

Feature Article:

Scheduling Sex

Do you remember when you first found out that Santa Claus is not real? I do, and it is not a pleasant memory! I remember how it was announced to me casually by my parents, but it felt like a hole was blown in my stomach and I was expected to act as though it were only a bruise. It was just one moment in time when my admittedly narrow child's worldview would be abruptly expanded, challenged, or shifted by reality. Moments like these are about more than just giving up beliefs, they sometimes require a whole identity adjustment.

And yet once I knew that Santa Claus was fictional, I could not go back to "believing" in him. Granted, it is fun to continue "pretending" that he is coming, but harmless play like that never overrides a less-exciting reality, it just makes it more bearable! We accept new truths, an expanded worldview, and move on with our lives from this broader perspective of self and world.

Why then do so many refuse to let go of the mythology surrounding romance?

The mythology I am specifically referring to is the belief that sex in a relationship should retain the spontaneity of the courting stage--that it should happen "organically", or else partners have lost interest in each other. Attached to this mythology is the belief that scheduling sex is unnatural, shameful, and unsexy.

The reality that I help my couples clients to experience is that the above is not true, and that scheduling sex can become something that you look forward to and enjoy!

To continue reading article, please click HERE.

Additional Resources:

ESTHER PEREL "TWO-FER"!:

How Erotic Thinking Helps Emotional Connection

"Freedom and security are twin faces of the same coin", writes Esther Perel in her blog article. I interpret this to mean that we are creatures who live in a world of dualities--rarely are things "either/or". That goes for eroticism and emotion as well--they are not disconnected energies. In fact, I have noticed that they are most accessible when they feed into one another!

Click HERE to read more about this topic.

Why Eroticism Should Be Part of your Self-Care Plan

Couples complain about how their partner does not know "what turns me on", but do you know what turns you on? Being a good sex partner means not only paying attention to your partner and their body, but also paying attention to yours--knowing what fuels your own eroticism and arousal (what keeps you in the game!). And believe it or not, our own eroticism can change over time. The erotic life is not limited to sexual play--it can influence your entire being.

"Eroticism isn’t sex; it’s sexuality transformed by the human imagination. It’s the thoughts, dreams, anticipation, unruly impulses, and even painful memories which make up our vast erotic landscapes. It’s energized by our entire human experience, layered with early childhood experiences of touch, play, or trauma, which later become cornerstones of our erotic life. We know that even things that give us the most pleasure can come from the most painful sources. Eroticism is not comfortable and neat. It unveils inner struggles, emotional tensions, a mix of excitement and anxiety."

Click HERE to read the whole article.

BOOK SUGGESTION:

The Labyrinth of Love – The Path to a Soulful Relationship

I like how this book uses the Developmental Model as a template for understanding relationship dynamics. This Model allows couples to better manage conflict by seeing it as a path toward growth and closeness rather than disconnection. I feel it is important to know something about the processes that are activated in relationships so that you don't get scared off!

"The Labyrinth of Love – The Path to a Soulful Relationship, outlines six crucial love capacities that partners need to develop that will open a path to the kind of relationship many people are longing for today. While so many people are in search of a “soulmate,” this book emphasizes that we don’t “find” soulmates, we become them."

Click HERE to read more and about the book and for a link to purchase.

ARTICLE SUGGESTION:

How to Strengthen Your Relationship with State of the Union Meetings

If you work for or run a company, you probably cannot imagine doing so without having regular staff meetings. These meetings are a way, ideally, to check in on progress, identify problems and needs, see who needs support, and also acknowledge successes.

Would you be surprised to know that relationships can benefit from a similar kind of regular check-in? Most are--they think that relationships should run on "love" automatically--that if you have to put some effort into it running well, then there is a problem.

The problems happen when effort is not put into keeping a relationship running well! In this short article from the Gottman blog, Kimberly Panganiban writes about what is best to include in a weekly check-in. The reward of committing to this ritual is that you and your partner become more comfortable discussing difficult things, and you more consistently recognize what you are both doing well.

Click HERE for the article.

CORAL App:

Love Making Love

Coral is a new app that offers to help users in three key areas:

Deeper connections: Achieve greater intimacy with your partner and learn how to live in the moment.
Enhanced pleasure: Discover new frontiers of enjoyment and reap the many benefits of a healthy sex life.
Unshakable confidence: Feel great in your body, understand what you want and learn how to ask for it.

I have checked out the app and find it to be thorough in its approach to education and support, and am thrilled to be able to offer my readers 30% off an annual subscription! Coral will launch a series of in-app content and virtual events to highlight diversity in the sexual-wellness space during Sexual Health Month, beginning September 6. The series will feature voices from diverse communities on under-represented topics regarding sexual well-being, including sex during menopause, sex and disability, and trans and gender diversity in sexual wellness discourse.

Use the link below to access the discount offer. This will work for any new users.

https://www.trycoral.app/new-coralers

If you have any difficulty accessing please email me to let me know and I will contact them.

GOTTMAN INSTITUTE COUPLES WORKSHOPS:

Below are a sampling of available Gottman Institute Online Workshops that can be a great adjunct resource for your relationship work:

The Art and Science of Love – Virtual Events

Created by “the Einstein of Love” (Psychology Today), this two-day workshop is grounded on what actually works in relationships that are happy and stable. See for yourself why millions of couples worldwide have benefited from the Gottman Method.

Click here for more information and to purchase.

Building a Life Together

You’ve decided to spend forever together. Congratulations!
Making a commitment to one another is a time to celebrate and prepare for the new adventure ahead of you.
This new journey is one of Trust and Commitment as you forge a path towards lasting love.
You’ll have shared goals and new dreams to hope for, and plenty of fun and play.

Click here for more info and to purchase.

Gottman "Bundle"

A bundle of workshops offered at a special price, including:

"Dealing With Conflict"
“What to Do After a Fight”

Click here for more information on the bundle and to purchase.

VIDEO

Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

I recommend the YouTube channel The School of Life to all my clients, because it is chock-full of short informative videos that address the science of attraction, love, and relationships. This video is longer, but in it the founder of School of Life, Alain de Botton, speaks on the topic of why we often wake up and feel we have made a mistake in our choice of partner. Spoiler alert: it isn't a mistake!

You can view the video by clicking below...

Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

About Tony Davis Psychotherapy

I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (MFC81838) and AACAST certified Couples and Sex Therapist and fully-trained EMDR therapist who works with couples and individuals on relationship issues including communication, conflict, sex, trust, and "affair-repair ". Learn how the stories you have of yourself and others are interfering with having the life and relationships you prefer.

CALL 323 963-3183 to book a complimentary consultation, or email me at [email protected].

Go to CouplesTherapistLA.com for more details.

If you like the feature article in this newsletter and want to read other articles that were previously published, please visit my Blog HERE. If this newsletter was forwarded to you and you would like to subscribe yourself, please go HERE.

Online Therapy Resources for Clients

I offer in-office, video, and phone sessions. Video or phone sessions are available if one of the following apply:

physical disability that keeps you homebound or makes it difficult to travel
current illness or injury
concern for privacy
self-quarantine or self-isolation due to an ongoing public health crisis
scheduling issues with my in-office availability

If you are not familiar or comfortable with video sessions, no worries! Here are some resources for you to check out so you have the best experience, and of course I am available for any questions or concerns! Click on any of the links below:

Internet Speed Test (best to have a download speed of at least 10 mbps)

How To Optimize Your Internet Connection for Video Sessions

Telehealth FAQs for Clients

Couples Counseling with Tony Davis, LMFT

See you in the November!