Everyone wants to know if love will last, but the answer is far from either yes or no. Yes, love can last, but it does not do so by itself. Love, as a verb, requires action from those who are engaged with it. This book explores what that action might look like.

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Common wisdom has it that love is fragile, but leading psychoanalyst Stephen A. Mitchell argues that romance doesn't actually diminish in long-term relationships―it becomes increasingly dangerous. What we regard as the transience of love is really risk management. Mitchell shows that love can endure, if only we become aware of our self-destructive efforts to protect ourselves from its risks.

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"You’re dropped off in the middle of a forest with nothing but the clothes on your back. You’re going to need to live off the land to survive. Oh, and you’re being hunted. Dangerous people are trying to capture you. And even if you do manage to survive this, the next phase is even worse. You’re caught, blindfolded, and locked in a cell. Music blasts 24-7 to disorient you. You’re deprived of sleep. Repeatedly interrogated. And they tell you all this stress can end if you just give up and tell them what you know…

No, this isn’t “real.” It’s what soldiers going through the SERE (Survival, Evasion, Resistance, and Escape) training program deal with. It simulates what you might deal with when caught behind enemy lines. So how would you do in this scenario? You and I aren’t alone; the vast majority of soldiers fail. 96% experienced “dissociative symptoms” – they were so stressed their minds fled reality.

The military realized this program was fine at vetting for the elite, but was horrible at teaching your average soldier anything. And so the military changed their protocols. They consulted researchers about mental strength and resilience. And they learned that many of our ideas about toughness were wrong…"