Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, 

but they have to check when you say the paint is wet?

When tempted to fight fire with fire, 

remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, 

they gave me a blank stare.

I couldn’t believe the highway department called my dad a thief. 

But when I got home, the signs were all there.

I was asked to name all the presidents…

Funny, I thought they already had names.

In school, I failed math so many times I can't even count.

You’re never too old to learn something stupid.