Last Christmas I bought my friend a lie detector as a gift.
“Oh… I love it!” she said.
“We’ll see,” I said.
I have this incredible ability to predict what’s inside a wrapped present.
It’s a gift.
I got a Christmas card full of rice in the mail today.
I think it was from my Uncle Ben.
I got a universal remote control for Christmas.
Now, THIS changes everything!
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa?
Claustrophobic.
What did the third wise man say
after his friends had already presented gold and frankincense?
"But wait – there’s myrrh!"
Did you know that Santa actually only had two reindeer?
Rudolph and Olive (the other reindeer).
My friend just won the Tallest Christmas Tree competition.
How can you top that?
