Tender Vittles

Published: Wed, 03/17/21

A pot full of pasta on the left and a toaster with a pop tart on the right

Would you rather have a:

Pot that's always full of pasta

Toaster that's always full of Pop Tarts

Results from last time:

Would you rather have:

70%

A Turtle Shell

30%

Elk Antlers

Best darn responses.

Answer: Shell

From: Megreh

It's a home! It's protection! What do I have to do to get you into this turtle shell today??

Answer: Shell
From: @gemliza

Oh man, having your own shell to hide in whenever sounds like a dream come true for this introvert. Just think, you go to a party and see someone across the room you don't want to interact with, so you dip into your shell for a bit and come out when the coast is clear 🐢

Answer: Antlers
From: @laurajane.kirton

A shell seems like it would be too heavy. Antlers would provide extra space for accessorizing. I could see myself wrapping bits of the antlers in fun colored yarn or painting designs on them. They'd be great additions for self-expression.

Answer: Shell

From: ??

This is obviously a not-so-well-hidden way to ask if one's an introvert or an extrovert. Nevertheless, both are great ways to practice social distancing. Go turtles!

Answer: Shell

From: @zacheryrose5

So I have broad shoulders. Not that i’m some body builder by any stretch of the imagination. In the genetic lottery, I just pulled pocket jacks in the poker game of life and this is the one good thing I have going about my physical appearance (in my opinion). Broad shoulders save you a lot when it comes to wardrobe choices, hiding weight gain, etc.

In the world of COVID, where everyone has been drinking a little more than they’re comfortable admitting, not exercising as much as they claimed they would be in the beginning of quarantine, a turtle shell would be the ultimate choice for those who want a little comfort in this trying time. They are the broad shoulders of these two options…

ANTLERS? Are you kidding me? Have you ever tried wearing a helmet all day? That is round and not prone to getting snagged on things, and yet, I was knocking my head on the roof of a humvee, or the strap was snagging on something near my neck. Deer literally die from getting locked into territorial fights with other deer. Saint patrick’s day is coming up and I just got my COVID shots and if the world allows, I’ll be at a bar celebrating. I can’t imagine the danger I would be in if someone looked at me sideways for whatever reason and decided that he didn’t like my antlers.

Not to mention, I’m clumsy and will absolutely wreck myself around the house. We’ve got a lot of knickknacks on the walls thanks to my wife. It’s like she wants to live in a Applebees with all the stuff we have on our walls.

Answer: Shell

From: @carinslater

2 reasons:

1. How the hell are you supposed to get through doors with elk antlers. Have you seen them? They're huge! And I'm a side sleeper, there's no way I could sleep comfortably with those.

2. I'm an introvert stuck inside with other people. Having a turtle shell to retreat into would be gold right now. Bonus, I would have extra protection for my klutzy self.

Check out some of our previous editions:

Hardware

Published: March 08, 2021

Clash of the Coiffures

Published: January 19, 2021

Hola, ahlan, selam, konnichiwa.

Published: January 13, 2021

Music to our ears

Published: January 06, 2021

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