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Last Thursday, my daughter Carolyn and my son-in-law Patrick gave me my first grandchild: a beautiful little girl they named Nora. This week’s blog is dedicated to her.

My Darling Nora,

Welcome to the world!

We’ve waited for you a long time and we’re so happy that you’re finally here. The world you’ve been born into is a beautiful, ugly, uplifting, terrifying, welcoming, judgmental, compassionate, hateful, wondrous, disappointing, thrilling yet at times, boring place. In short, it’s complicated. Your Pappy has been bumbling around this planet for a long time now and I want to share with you some of the things I’ve learned in the hope that they help you navigate some of the pitfalls ahead and avoid some of the mistakes I’ve made.

You have been born into a large extended family that loves you very much. We loved you even before you got here. That is the most important thing to remember; NOTHING is ever more important than family. All that matters is family. When you fall, your family will be there to catch you. When you hurt, your family will be there to comfort you. When you’re happy and you accomplish the great things that I know you’ll accomplish in life, your family will be there to share in your joy, and we’ll be even more proud of you than you are of yourself! Most importantly, never forget that no matter what, your family has your back.

You’ll make some great friends in this world. My best friends have been by my side for most of my life. A true friend is someone who loves you, cares what happens to you and only wants what’s best for you. They’ll come and pick you up at three o’clock in the morning when your car breaks down in the rain. They’ll laugh with you when you’re happy and offer you a shoulder to cry on when you’re sad. They’ll appreciate and enjoy you for who you are as a person, not because of what you have or what you can do for them. A true friend will never try to get you to do things that you know are wrong or things that you know will get you in trouble. They are there with you through thick and thin. They are happy for your successes and never jealous or envious of you. To have friends like this you must BE a friend like this. Choose your friends carefully and only associate with people who behave better than you do. They will lift you up and you will rise to their level. By the same token, if you hang out with people who behave worse than you do, they will drag you down. A real friend will help you rise and never try to make you fall.

You will face tough times and adversity over the course of your life. There will be times that things are so rough that you don’t think you can go on. These are the times that make you as a person. Getting through the adversities in life are what will give you the strength to go forward. The power to put one foot in front of the other no matter what. Never, ever give up. Always remember that an animal is the most dangerous when it’s cornered.

As I write this, you are just six days old. When you grow a little bit, I’ll play a game with you where I pick you up so you can touch high things like ceilings and fixtures. Things that you can’t reach on your own right now. I played the same game with your mom and your uncles. The point is that you should always aim for things that appear out of reach. Aim as high as you possibly can. You can literally achieve just about anything if you aim for it, focus on it and work hard to accomplish it. You can be anything you want. You can do anything. Nothing is beyond your reach if you are willing to put your head down and work as hard as you possibly can to achieve it. This is the trait that will set you apart from those who live with the attitude that things are “good enough.” It’s what will save you from a life of mediocrity. Some will resent you for this. They’ll try to discourage you and they’ll tell you that your goals are impossible. Ignore them. They simply can’t see as high or as far ahead as you can. Some people will do this because if you succeed, it will make them feel inadequate because they don’t have the drive that you do. Never let anyone stop you from accomplishing something that’s truly important to you.

One day, you’ll look for a life partner. Someone to share your hopes and dreams with for the rest of your days. DON’T SETTLE. Find someone who builds you up, not someone who tears you down. Be with someone who shares your goals and dreams and wants to help you to accomplish them. Someone who loves the person you are and treats you with the respect you deserve. Never be with anyone who doesn’t treat you well. You deserve better than that.

Remember your heritage and be proud of who you are and of the blood coursing through your veins. You are a strong African American girl who will one day be a strong African American woman. There will be those who try to hold you back because of it. There will be times you will have to work twice as hard to get half as far. There will be those who try to diminish your dignity. When these occasions occur, do what you have to do. If these people stop you, they win. NEVER EVER let them win. You come from a long line of strong Black women. Your great-great grandmother grew up in a time and place when she couldn’t drink from the same water fountains or use the same bathrooms as some other people. She persevered. Your great grandmother fought against people who told her that she couldn’t live where she wanted to live because of the color of her skin. She persevered. Your mama has had some challenging times in her life. She also persevered. You have it in you to persevere as well. As my grandma used to say, “You come from good stock.”

Lastly, always remember who you are, what you believe in and what you stand for. Don’t ever compromise your principles no matter what others might say. Your path is filled with opportunities. It’s also filled with obstacles. Get around or break through the obstacles however you must so that you can grasp the opportunities. Do this and you’ll have the best life that you can possibly have. The life you deserve and the life that we all want for you.

All My Love,

Pappy