Harsh Feedback...
I received this feedback after I asked how to best respond to people who don't believe adding fresh food to kibble is a good idea. I've shared this tip to people for years and want to be better prepared for push back.
"This question coming from you makes me want to unfollow your page. You should know the answer to this question. Or at least the reason why adding fresh food to kibble is better then kibble. Yet you are probing so many of these posts now. I find your post dynamics changed drastically after the passing of your senior dog...I was saddened to see
that you lost faith in raw feeding after losing your beloved dog..."
This person went on to tell me that it's okay for me to ask questions, but
they don't like the way I ask questions. From their perspective, my page is all about gossip and drama and I now spend my time bashing people who I think are bashing me. This individual believes that I no longer have confidence in what I do and this make me unprofessional.
How I Look at "Harsh" Feedback
A lot of people want to create content sharing their experience feeding fresh food to their pets, but one thing that holds them back is being publicly critiqued.
I've been writing about dogs for more than ten years and my blog has been focused on raw feeding for nearly nine years. I've dealt with my fair share of harsh feedback and it gets easier because I finally understand three things:
1 - we're strangers and much of the judgements we have are based on minimal information because we don't know each other.
2 - not everyone intends to give harsh feedback; from their perspective, they may be trying to be helpful, but it comes off harshly.
3 - dog lovers are passionate and sometimes that passion can override kindness when someone is trying to get their point across.
It's important to remember that many people don't know how to have a tough conversation. If you disagree with something they say (or share an alternative view point) it feels like an attack and they respond accordingly.
How I Respond to "Harsh" Feedback
When I get feedback that I judge as "harsh," I have two choices. I can ignore it and move on or I can address it by contacting the individual privately.
In this case, I reached out to the individual and left a voice message thanking them for taking the time to leave the comment and sharing my thoughts. We had a brief discussion and I moved on.
I don't agree with her opinion of me, but she's allowed to have that opinion.
Reaching out to people is hard because you never know what you'll get. When I do this, I try to approach the person as if they want to help me, not hurt me. This works well, because it's hard to yell at someone who is being nice. But this doesn't work every time.
Sometimes, I've spoken to people who are 100% convinced that I'm an awful person and they're going to tell me. In those cases, I let them have their say, I keep my cool, I block them, and move on.
Not everyone is going to like me and that's okay.
How Often I Get "Harsh" Feedback
I probably get a "mean" comment or message once a month and they're usually from strangers who aren't apart of our community. For example, someone recently accused me of being racist towards Asians because I don't allow strangers to pet my dogs.
It becomes easy to identify the troll comments (delete then block) from feedback from dog lovers. The trolls are trying to get you into a spat; when it doesn't work, they move on.
Learning from "Harsh" Feedback
It sucks when someone as respected as Dr. Becker publicly states that she doesn't like me or when someone lets me know, in great detail, why they unfollowed me - but these things can also be opportunities for growth.
This is what I've learned...
- Keep the Tail Wagging is a personal blog where I primarily write about dogs, but I've always considered it my outlet. But after ten years, my
lane is dogs and raw feeding and when I stray out of that lane, it turns people off. I can still do what I want with my page, but when I stray, I risk losing followers.
- When I ask questions, I need to be very clear to avoid giving the impression that I don't respect the OP (original poster). I will always question the information that is shared; not because I don't believe the OP, but because I want to learn more and spark a discussion.
- I can't please everyone and
that's okay. My goal isn't to be liked by everyone. I started this because raw feeding was challenging for me in the beginning and people took time out of their day to help me. I'm paying forward their generosity by sharing what I'm learning through my blog and social media.
Yesterday, a friend of mine called me to
tell me about his first "harsh" feedback and I'm so proud of how he handled it. He responded politely, thanked the person for reaching out, clarified a few points, and invited them to discuss the topic further.
This is the best way to handle someone who delivers harsh feedback. In many cases, this method deflates their anger and is the start of a great conversation.
It doesn't work out every time, but, in my experience, being kind works out most of the time.
In the end, "harsh" feedback is a good thing because it gives me an opportunity to examine and improve upon my message.
