Hi 

 

 

 

 

From a practical perspective, those of you that might be thinking this sounds like 'soft' and 'airy-fairy' nonsense, you may wish to read on, because the evidence suggests that better questions lead to better answers. If you don't care for better answers, then don't read on!

 

Questioning and listening are dance partners. They exist together in real time - leading and following in potentially infinite harmony. They counterbalance and evolve through the rhythm of our relationships and conversations.

 

Before we get into a few life-changing questions, let's not forget that questioning is a practice, process and perhaps an art form - that may change ourselves and others. It can also be evidence of our disinterest in the other person, ignorance, delusion, tunnel-vision, or self centeredness, or general lack of interest in learning.

 

How often do we use bad questioning for the following reasons?     

• To confirm our point of view (closed question)
• Change the topic to our line of interest
• Avoid a question from the other person
• Show how clever we are (circa something we care about)
• Make the other person feel deficient or inferior

 

 

How good questions can help 

 

Good questions:

• Be prepared to listen. Remember the conversation becomes a dance, and we need to remain in step.
• Be prepared to follow the other's lead. What are they interested in or keen on exploring?
• Be patient. Left to themselves, good conversations end up covering everything they ought to have, in that situation or moment - meaning you get your turn to talk!
• Avoid second guessing or questioning to confirm whatever you are already thinking, let go.
• Stay relevant and timely. What is important to us both at this time, for a particular reason?
• Provide space. It can take a while for ourselves and others to 'cotton-on' to what we are discussing and what the question is really about. Follow-up questions are a great way to get closely aligned and gain a shared understanding.

• Am I open to listening and questioning better, in my life?
• How do people see me differently than I see myself?
• What would I do if I was utterly fearless?
• What can I/we improve today?
• What next based on this moment?

There is probably no better way to move ourselves and or a relationship forward than through better questions and the habit of being interested, as opposed to trying to be interesting. This is a strong feature of modern life, particularly the popularity contest which is social media.

 

We have virtually infinite sub-conscious brain capacity and human relational skills and yet something changes between the ages of 4 and 24. But there are the exceptional folks of all ages (many elderly) who ask the most interesting and rich questions. Perhaps this is what keeps them young, relevant and inspirational?