24 March 2022 | From the friendly caves of Pixie Hollow.
Here are 17 ways to pyss off your customers:
- Call them John when their name is Andy
- Send them replies that are 500 words long instead of just what they've asked for
- Claim that you can't do something because of a computer system
- Claim that you can't do something because "policy"
- Fail to think beyond precisely what you've been asked
- Say 'sorry' instead of giving them a roadmap to a solution
- Send them sales emails containing the very object they've just bought at full price, offering 25% off
- Stare at a computer instead of engaging with them
- Put a laptop on a desk between you, when meeting in person
- Have a phone on a reception desk and a set of bad instructions, instead of a person
- Install an IVR that talks at them instead of getting them to press buttons
- Have an online chatbot that isn't trained
- Install a live chat but never have your chat person online
- Build two separate websites - one desktop, one mobile - and make sure that they don't match
- Pretend that Facebook is as good as a website
- Hide critical tasks behind dark patterns, like putting 'unsubscribe' in 'update your preferences'
- Make it as difficult as possible to exit from your clutches (ever tried deleting your Facebook account? That.)
I could go on. I probably could have sent you 170 ways to pyss them off. Maybe one day I'll write an illustrated book just for the LOLs...
It's a worthwhile exercise, thinking of your own business and every single way you might and might not annoy people.
Because then you know exactly how to make them happy. ;)
xx Leticia 'Leticia means joy' Mooney
Please let me know what I can do for you.
Leticia Mooney is a consultant with decades of experience writing with and for people like you. Her company Brutal Pixie casts the kind of spells your customers love. Its services are oracles (communication strategy, CCX, audits, investigations, quality assurance), metamorphoses (training, mentoring, coaching, wargaming), and your stories in magick hands (ghostwriting, content writing, editorial support). Leticia is also
the mother of an intelligent, engaging, and curious boy, who is named after a character created by J.R.R Tolkien.
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