Did you know the number one barrier when working with my clients is judgment? Oftentimes people explain and categorize facets of their life experiences as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative.
I consistently reframe this thinking and encourage, "for the next 60 minutes let's give ourselves a break from figuring out what's good or bad about your life. Let's evaluate all your experiences as just that - an experience."
What about judgment hinders our effectiveness as leaders? How does judgment impact our relationships with peers, friends, and significant others?
To answer this, I take my clients through an Energy Leadership Index Assessment. The purpose of the assessment is to identify what set of filters an individual has developed over their lifetime that's limiting their beliefs. These limiting beliefs, assumptions, and or interpretations about their life are often not "real". We then work to apply new thoughts that help to release internal barriers by recognizing the judgmental thoughts that are holding them back.
Let's consider these two ways that judgment adversely impacts our realities:
1. Judgment keeps us from achieving our desired outcomes.
You often hear the cliche' quote, "Don't judge a book by it's cover." I remember working in sales and trying to pick the customers I thought were going to spend the most money. I followed my prejudice of what I thought success looked like, and tried to apply it to people that fit that mold. One time, I was on the sales floor and chose not to engage with a customer who appeared to have finished working at a construction site. He didn't have the suit and tie that most of the customers visiting our
store did. I passed up, and let one of my coworkers help. The customer ended up opening a new business account for his general contracting business - 20 new activations. Lesson learned.
Offering: Become self-aware; we all hold limiting beliefs about many things. Let all the ideas you think you know about life go. Be curious.
2. Judgment is limiting and inhibits freedom.
A quote that captures the essences of what I'm asking you to consider is by Don Miguel author of The Four Agreements:
"We make the assumption that everyone sees life the way we do. We assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and abuse the way we abuse. This is the biggest assumption that humans make. And this is why we have a fear of being ourselves around others. Because we think everyone else will judge us, victimize us, abuse us and blame us as we do ourselves. So even before others have a chance to reject us, we have already rejected ourselves. That is
the way the human mind works."
Offering: Consider that the moment you stop judging yourself you invite others to be less judgmental of you as well. We are humans that thrive in community. We must stop finding ways to separate ourselves. Our success is dependent on being less critical of ourselves as well as each other.
Your voice needs to be heard without the limits of judgment.
Turn up the volume on the voice that matters, yours.
