Good Afternoon ,
“I’m changin’ [Connie], and there’s nothing I can do about it.” – James Fields, Sr. ( My dad)
This was one of the last statements my dad made to my mom before his transition. On Sept. 1st, 2021 at 2:45am my dad passed away from a three fight with liver cancer. I slept in the room next door to him the night before he took his final breath.
“I’m changin’ [Connie], and there’s nothing I can do about it.” - the truth from my father’s words are simple, yet very difficult to accept. He was changing. He was in the final weeks of his earthly life and was undergoing mental, emotional, social, spiritual, and physical changes that altered his whole being.
However for my dad, his spiritual life and faith was the frame that helped him accept his current reality and the inevitable changes he was going through. He saw the bigger picture instead of focusing solely on the transition that was right in front of him. His ability to do this at one of the most frightening moments of change in his life, inspires me to shift perspective when dealing with day-to-day changes that cause discomfort and the anxiety around the unknown.
A good leader helps their people and organizations stay focused on the bigger vision as well as the WHY of the work.
Let's consider these two ways that can help us deal with change.
1. Cognitive reframing helps
90% of the work I do with clients is helping them reframe their story. People come to me looking for help with changes. These changes come packaged with transitions in relationships, workplace adjustments, health and aging struggles, spiritual growth, and financial impacts. Oftentimes it can be difficult to see your truth in the midst of what you are going through. Having a trained thought- partner to help you sort through complex thoughts can be extremely helpful to ease the anxiety we
often feel during change. Reframing what you are going through isn’t about just being positive, but rather about being clear about what your experiences are preparing you to deal with in your future. There is stregnth in accepting that everything you have experienced is preparation for the future you are fighting to create. We have the power to choose how change impacts us as well as how to respond to it.
2. A routine rooted in self awareness
Being self-aware of what you need is extremely important for you to build a routine that’s informed, and effective. I can remember my dad telling my mom when he wanted to come home from the hospital. He learned that he no longer had much choice in how effective his physical fight would be against his liver cancer. He wanted to adhere as much to his home routine as he could to bring him peace in the midst of uncertainty. I challenge my clients to be curious about what they need to feel
secure in their decisions about changes they are experiencing. Taking time to ideate a list of routines that bring you peace and safety is worth the time. Evaluate your list without judgment. Think of all the things you need to help lessen your stress, and then be clear on living in accordance with your values.
We can’t often control the changes in life that come our way, but our mindset around the changes can greatly impact how we experience them.
