Good Evening
,
“Listening is
one of the loudest forms of kindness.” – Anonymous
Listening is one
of the most critical communication skills you can have as a person and to be an effective leader. In fact, it was the most important skill I learned in becoming an Executive Coach. Being aware of your ability to listen matters. Listening correctly shows you care, it fosters curiosity instead of judgment, and gives you better insight to help those that desire your perspective.
1. Subjective Listening: This is the most common form of listening. It occurs when someone shares something,
but the listener only hears the things they relate to or identify with. The listener is ready to respond to what’s shared with an applicable story about themselves. They turn the entire conversation on themselves, hijacking the focus of the sharer for their story to be heard. This makes the sharer feel unheard.
Sharer: “I’m struggling to decide where I should vacation. I think I want to go to New York.”
Listener: “Oh I love New York. I went there last year and saw the play “Hamilton” on Broadway! Whenever I decide on where to travel I always…”
Right now, you may be cringing and rethinking all the times you believed you were “connecting”, but really just made the conversation about you. Don’t worry, I’ll share some other enhanced ways to listen below.
2. Objective Listening: This form of listening removes personal or professional connection points and
focuses solely on the individual sharing. The listener is completely focused on the other person. Thoughts are mitigated in the mind of the listener to not respond with any applicable or relatable story.
While this approach to listening keeps the focus on the sharer, it still may leave the person sharing feeling empty because it feels like a lack of engagement and ignores what may be implied, but not directly stated.
Sharer: “I’m struggling to decide where I should vacation. I think I want to go to New York.”
Listener: “Well it looks like you have decided where to travel. New York it is!”
Can you see how this listening style creates a lack of connection?
3. Intuitive Listening: The most skilled listeners employ this approach to deeply connect with what a person
is sharing. It addresses the “heart” of the matter in a way that invites more conversation and curiosity. There’s no hijacking, or leaving your sharer empty with your response. The listener is paying attention not only to what the speaker is sharing, but also to the speaker’s tone of voice, energy level, feelings, facial expressions, and body language. It’s what’s not being said to the audible ear that makes this listening approach the most
effective.
Sharer: “I’m struggling to decide where I should vacation. I think I want to go to New York.”
Listener: “It sounds like picking the right place for you to relax, and enjoy yourself is important to you. I imagine you don’t want to regret where you decide to go whether it’s New York or somewhere else. How true is this for
you?”
Consider this:
BetterUp.com reports that according to a 2020 study by Emtrain, “31% of employees said their leaders lack empathy and don’t show interest in their direct reports…86% of employees believe empathy is important in the workplace. Yet half agree that their colleagues and leaders display empathy.”
It’s simple, if
you don’t intuitively listen, you will be perceived by others that you are self-absorbed and don’t genuinely care about the person speaking to you. In the workplace, this can lead to a rebellious and low morale environment.
Many can relate
that when someone comes to us for guidance or help, we feel a need to share something we have been through that WE believe is similar. While we are genuinely trying to connect by sharing a similar story, the reality is nothing is the same experience from one person to the next. Your time is best served by connecting with another through empathy and understanding. The power of this insight will improve relationships you have in your life. Implement your intuitive listening skills today;
someone in your world needs it.
