Happy Friday
!
“Learning to receive feedback from each other is what leadership is
all about.” – Sheila Heen
During my time as a Director, our overall market experienced a
leadership change at the Vice President (VP) level. Our prior VP was in the market for about 12 years, and we were receiving a new VP to our team. My new supervisor would be based in an office three hours north of where I worked. Ultimately, the time they would spend in the office would be minimal at best. So, I didn’t think much of it when I decided to use the empty office the previous VP vacated months prior. Because visits to my area happen two times per year, you can
imagine my surprise when the new VP was incredibly offended that I even dared to set up in this space. During a 1:1, they gave me aggressive and stern feedback about how my behavior to move into the office was disrespectful, inconsiderate, sexist and lacked thoughtfulness. I was directed to take my belongings and find another office space to work out of as soon as possible. In short it felt like a childlike scolding. When I asked if I could provide context, they said no. I was not allowed to
offer perspective; it was a one-sided conversation grounded in corporate power. I was the subordinate.
In the moment, I just took it. You’re not supposed to push back to
supervisors, right? You’re to be grateful you even have a job in the first place, right? However, as I sat in reflection of the false judgment of my character and values, I decided to take a risk that would empower what I knew was true about myself and my work; I decided to give feedback to my supervisor. The adjectives used to describe me were wholly inaccurate with no evidence to support outside of my supervisor's interpretation of the office incident. However, I would come to learn that
sometimes uncomfortable situations riddled with anger, resentment and conflict can help catapult you into an even more authentic relationship with people, including your supervisor.
have you ever thought, “Hmmmm…I
really wish I had the capacity or confidence to speak up to my boss. They could use some coaching”?
Ultimately, I decided to fearlessly speak up for myself after the
interaction which helped me develop an even more authentic relationship with my supervisor. While the boss to employee power dynamic is real, that does not mean you have to minimize or accept false accusations of who you know yourself to be. While accepting feedback with humility is crucial, that goes both ways. Here are some considerations when offering feedback to your supervisor:
1. Never attempt to coach or tell your side of the
story while emotional (upset or even excited).
Once I calmed down, I decided to write an email. I shared it with
people I trusted before sending, so they could review it with objectivity. I wanted to calibrate my perspective even though I was emotional about how I was spoken to. I eventually shared this email with my boss a couple of days later outlining my perception of events and intentions.
2. Put yourself in your boss’
shoes.
I considered why my supervisor gave me coaching about what office I
worked out of. It was a level five office, and I was a level three employee. There was a certain level of work that I had not achieved. From an optics standpoint, regardless of how often they would be in that office, it was important to the company to establish hierarchy. We wouldn’t expect the state governor to work out of the oval office would we?
3. Request a meeting to discuss your
viewpoints.
Don’t do: “I am concerned that you don’t trust my judgment regarding
X and Y.”
Do: “I want to talk to you about how I understood X and Y because I
want to make sure we’re on the same page about how to most efficiently meet our business needs and improve our working relationship.”
Eventually, my supervisor and I had a great follow-up conversation
that enhanced our working relationship. I personally gained more confidence to be honest about tasks, projects, who I am, as well as the direction the overall market was going. It was a breakthrough point for us both.
I encourage you to give feedback, even when there is a corporate
power differential. I know it’s intimidating, and we may believe giving feedback is inappropriate to a supervisor. We think we might be retaliated against or become blacklisted in the company. However, allowing that fear to inhibit your courage to stand up for yourself may be costing you your own possible advancement and self-worth. For an organization to thrive, everyone needs feedback.
Your boss, at the end of the day, is human. It takes practice and an
artful skill to offer unsolicited feedback, but once you master it, there is potential to gain an advocate and deeper connection with your supervisor. After my experience, I was still able to promote, transition to another organization within the company, receive pay increases, awards, recognition, and I now consider my former supervisor to be a friend and mentor to this day. Sometimes it takes elevating your voice to set professional boundaries. you are not a
machine or a means to an end. You are human, and so is your boss.
