Happy Saturday, !
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It was my middle school dance, 6th grade, and I had a crush on a girl named Kristina. I planned to dance so well with others that she would find me irresistible and want to dance with me. Some things never change. :)
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The dance between her and me never happened. As the dance ended, I found
her near the water fountain. I walked behind her and FROZE! I was scared so I did nothing.
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This story of my fear of being rejected unveils an age-old obstacle many of us face. I was too concerned about what if she said, “no”.
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I STILL wrestle with this today - not speaking up or voicing my thoughts - because of the fear of being rejected by another. I’m much better, today, but
this is tough to do consistently. In my coaching business, I meet with clients repeatedly that struggle with the same issue. It’s human to want to be accepted by our communities.  We shrink ourselves, hold our tongues, alter responses, and avoid unresolved conflict to “control” the desired outcome.Â
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As a leader, business owner, family member, and friend, the following reminders help me continue to gain confidence to be unapologetically myself:
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1. Â Â Define us. It does not!
Rejection is not an indictment of who we are. Nor should you self-reject to avoid the rejection of others. Getting clear on your goals will help you
towards want you want!  You get to define how powerful and courageous you are with or without an audience of support. People’s perspectives are their truth, not yours.  Define yourself! I help people do this every day! Invest in yourself. Look for a community of help. It can help with holding yourself accountable to being who you want to be! Therapy, professional coaching, a physical trainer, and or a nutritionist call all be utilized to help define who you
are!Â
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2. Â Â Learn from the Data!
The moment, at the water fountain, I learned that I was scared to talk
to a girl I found attractive. When faced with something I liked or wanted, I let fear dictate whether I would experience it or not. I didn’t want to be vulnerable, judged, or rejected.Â
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We must ask ourselves, “What is this fear of rejection teaching me at this moment?” You CAN withstand pain, sadness, and rejection. It will not break you, nor does it define you, but it does come with information. We must turn rejection and the fear associated
with it into an opportunity to grow and improve.Â
It’s not about whether I had the courage or not to ask her to dance, but about having the resilience to ask for what I want, no matter the outcome. Rejection can be one hell of a teacher when you allow it to be.Â
Build your confidence by taking smaller risks with your desires! You are
worth it!Â
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