But he can remember how many times his favorite sports team won the championship? 

Terrible, must be because he doesn't love you enough because if he wanted to, he would! 

Right?

Well, I'm not so sure, .

A girlie DM'd me last night and asked me why this is. And the easy answer is, "if he wanted to, he would!" but I felt like I needed to explain this on a deeper level to you girls. 

Men and women don't behave in the same way. And I'm not saying this as an excuse to give men a free pass for being bad partners because that is inexcusable, but I'm here to expand your mind so you learn to discern for yourselves.

If you pay attention to how men behave, they are single-focus driven. If you observe them in their day to day, they are very much just focused on one task at hand at a time - whether that's at home or at work. Even when they are hanging out with their friends, if they are texting on their phones, whatever their friend says to them kind of goes in one ear and out the other. 

And the thing is... we as women are like this too!! When we're engaged and focused on doing something, we don't really hear what else is going on around us.

So the difference is actually in how we communicate. 

The way that women like to communicate is like a free flowing open conscious stream of thought. We can talk about our day, then jump to talk about groceries, then jump to talk about our skincare, then jump to talk about so and so who just got married... it is chaotic but because our girlfriends are also like this, it feels relatively normal to us. 

Men do not do this. 

So if you think about it, us in our free flowing conscious stream of thought making comments sporadically here and there, while he is deeply focused on work or watching tv or whatever... he's definitely going to miss out on some things that you're saying. 

But I will say... it is his responsibility to communicate that he needs 15 minutes before he can respond to you and that he is not intentionally ignoring your needs.

It is also your responsibility to let him know that you want his undivided attention -- it doesn't even need to be for something super important, it can be just because you want him to spend time with you.

The point is making sure he is focused on you before you make a request. 

This active communication helps avoid this feeling of not being seen or heard and this is SUPER important in relationships and just communicating with people in general. 

HOWEVER...it becomes a real problem when he's a repeat offender where communicating doesn't even work and it is clear that he just does not care for you. 

How can you tell?

The one who cares will put in real effort to change and you will see results.

The one who doesn't care will not put in the effort and the problem will come up again. 

So if he is a great guy and treats you well, but he doesn't remember your favorite flowers one time...it's not a case of "if he wanted to, he would" and you write off all the good he's done for you. 

But if he has a track record of never paying attention to what you want or the things you say... I would say that you need to let that man go. 

Your big sis - Nadeen 

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