Hi ,

So I recently came across this rhetoric that says "women should choose better men!" and the men are saying it in response to women who end up dating sh*tty below bare minimum low effort dusties. 

And while I completely agree that men need to be better and learn to heal and do the inner work the way us girls learn self-improvement and find ways to create better lives for ourselves... 

I do agree that we need to "choose better" in the situations where we can. 

If we did not do our part in vetting the men we date, and then just allowing ourselves to blindly fall in love with empty promises and words, and ignore red flags... then yes, it is our responsibility to choose better.

We are responsible for giving ourselves the best opportunity we can have.

We need to make sure that this is the very best man for us before we decided to get into that relationship. Or marry him. Or have baby with him. 

Because you know what men do? 

Men always date the best woman for himself. 

They have their own vetting process and if he is with you, it is because he thinks you are the best option for him right now. 

You're either his dream girl... OR even if you are NOT his dream girl, he knows he can't get his dream girl with his current self so you are the best he can do.

Girls don't really do this. We fall for personality, looks, humor, his sob story and we choose to see the best in him because WE KNOW that with our love and effort, he can become this beautiful amazing man.

But is he worth it? Is he worth your help? Does he even want to be better himself?

We cannot use rose colored lenses to see a man for his potential, create a fantasy story in our minds, marry him or have children with him... then when he does something hurtful or he leaves us...we get upset that he didn't do the right thing.

That he won't come see the kids, or pay child support, or he just flat out disappears... 

If this is the type of man he was when he met you, if he wasn't the type of man to do the right things in life... what makes you think he will do the right thing now? 

This is what I mean when I tell the girlies to learn to choose better. And I don't mean choose wealthy or rich.. 

I mean choose better character. 

Choose better values and morals. 

That part is our own responsibility. 

To pick someone who would be a good husband and a good father. 

There are things we can vet for, that we can choose, that we can observe through his actions before we decide to commit our lives and our bodies!

And sure, sometimes we can do all that and still be wrong in our judgement, but at least we did the best we could.

That's different than wishful thinking and not doing anything at all.

Thankfully, you have me now :) So hopefully, your beautiful heart won't get broken again.

Love you lots,

Nadeen

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