"I'm in a relationship right now and he's a great but after finding your content, I realized he’s doesn’t have the ambition or leadership qualities I now want…what should I do? Should I break up with him or try to see if he'll change?"

Hi babe!,

Actually, I get a lot of similar DMs from girls who are in relationships and just starting to figure out their own needs and what they truly want.

And these are all very common scenarios:

• You’re with an amazing man with a provider mindset but he's just not ready to fully financially provide.
• You are with a 50/50 guy because you didn’t know better but now you want to inspire him to provide.
• You realize that everything about the guy is great but he lacks leadership so you're always put in the position to lead and take charge.
• You slowly see his true colors and some yellow flags, but they aren't so serious and he treats you really well however you also don't want to put up with some of his behaviors.

You know what is the commonality between all of these? 

Before I share that with you, I made a special 20% off code for you to join me for Vday Bootcamp! Use the code, Nadeen40 when you enroll here 💖

Back to what I was saying...the commonality between all of these scenarios is that you do not want to be with the current version of him. 

And your problem is that you don't know if he will ever become who you need. 

I can't tell you what you need to do, but let me break it down for you.

No amount of communication between you and him will be able guarantee your future together. No promises or agreements or words exchanged can predict the future. 

So you can only work with what you got now.

The risk you are taking on by staying with him is that you might waste more time with false hope and not actually see any change or progress in him.

The risk you take when you leave him is fear. 

Fear that you won't find someone who treats you so well. 

Fear that it's too late. 

Fear to start dating again. 

Fear that you wasted time. 

But there's no real concrete loss. Even if after you break up and he becomes the person you need, there's no guarantee he would have gotten there if you stayed together. 

There's this idea that we invested so much time and energy and resources into a relationship already so we don't want to leave and start over. But what is a couple years to a lifetime? Some relationships are just incompatible.

Now if he's provider minded and he really loves you and he truly cherishes you, and you want to stay with him, then you have to think about if you're ok accepting him exactly how he is. That maybe you do have to take the lead sometimes, that maybe you will have to pitch in financially here and there, that maybe these yellow flags might turn into more serious red flags...and you would have to be willing to accept all that.

This is what it means to date for potential. 

No guarantees and life right now is life as you know it.

But honestly, all women date for potential, we're all Barbara The Builder to some extent, and since you're a growth minded lady, obviously you're going to grow and change in a relationship and hopefully as a couple, but where you enter his life is what truly matters because you'll either have a foundation to build on top of or you don't, he'll either have a track record of his previous wins or he'll have nothing.

Where you enter his life determines your quality of life. 

Do not join his life and try to pressure him to change to give you the life you actually want. 

Do not date someone to try to change them.

Find someone who is proactive and can already give you the life you want. 

Otherwise, be happy with who he is.

Open conversations and setting expectations is not just something you do in the beginning of a relationship. You should do it as a regular check-in with each other.

I love you!

Nadeen xoxo

P.S: don’t forget to use the 20% off code Nadeen40 to join Valentine’s Day Dating Bootcamp here!

P.P.S: this is part of my 14 day dating and relationship advice series so if you don't see the preceding ones, check your spam! Otherwise, you can view my previous newsletters in my hub here.