Hi ,

I asked on my IG broadcast channel what your biggest struggles are in dating & relationships...and I picked the top 5 entries I received to give you some good ole' big sis advice.

1. As an introvert not on dating apps, meeting quality men is hard.

As an introvert, meeting ANYONE is going to be a bit harder unless it is through an introduction by a friend. So unless you are willing to be more social in real life and meet men in real life, you have to get on the apps. If you find it too draining and you just refuse to participate on apps, then you can try signing up to some local classes that you're interested in and either meet men there, or you meet other women who can introduce you to their guy friends. I personally don't like to date for shared interests so if you meet a man at some sort of extracurricular class or event, your vetting process needs to be even more vigilant. Regardless, you are required to be more social. You have to be where people are to meet people. If you think you dream man is at the library, go to the library. If you think he's playing golf on the weekends, go play golf. But always - do it for you, not for him. Meeting him is just the cherry on top of you living your best life. Period. 

2. I'm afraid he will not desire me the same when he gets to know me deeper.

You need to grow your confidence and your self-obsession in the sense that you need to be your own biggest fan and your own dream girl. And before I forget, I've extended enrollment to The Elite Dream Girl to tomorrow night at 11:59pm PST! Last chance, baby girl! Ok, back to the question - this fear is coming from a place where you feel like you're not good enough or you can't maintain long term attraction. You should actually feel like he would only grow to love you more and more with time because he learns more and more interesting things about you and your personality grows on him. So to me, this is more of an internal problem you need to work on first before dating. When you are your best self and you know it, you have this inner knowing that you are someone so invaluable that anyone would be lucky to have you. You are the prize. And they'd have to be next level stupid to fumble you. This sense of confidence and self belief grows with your level of self worth and how much you like yourself.  

3. How do I evolve into a soft feminine girlie while already in a relationship?

This honestly is a little tricky because you have to ask yourself what is keeping you in your masculine? Is it your job? Is it your man? Is it your family? Usually, if you're more in your masculine, you attract more feminine men who keep you in that space. If he's just a boyfriend, I usually advise girlies to just get out of that relationship. If your man can't "man up" so to speak, you can't safely relax and soften up. But if you don't allow him the space to try, he also won't have the opportunity to step up. HOWEVER, if he truly loves and cherishes you, and he is the type to give you princess treatment, he's just a little less assertive and dominant, then he has the potential to improve with guidance and time. You just have to ask yourself if it's worth it. You can have a serious conversation with your man and discuss how you feel and whether or not he would be willing to evolve with you and become a strong, reliable, responsible, protector & provider man. And if he agrees, you can begin by delegating your responsibilities and letting him pick up more - let him plan the dates, let him treat you out, and you just learn to receive and appreciate while being less hypercritical. You can work on giving yourself more self love through self care practices, and you can also work on making time for some creative hobbies that allow you to tap into your playful, relaxed, and wild side.

4. How to politely leave on the first date if you realize he is not the one?

First of all, if you vet him the way I've taught you to vet him, this should rarely happen. Remember that you only accept first dates if he meets at least 50% of your non-negotiables, he has no obvious red flags, and you're excited to meet him. However, let's say you do the voice call and vid chat and all is well up until the middle of the first date, it's ok to politely say "I really appreciate you taking the time out today, but I don't see us working out long term and I don't want to waste any of our time so let's end the date here." But if he's being a royal a-hole, you can just get up, leave and block him. Always remember, it's never awkward for you, it's awkward for him.

5. How do I repair and reconnect after an argument?

This begins with how you both argue. It's only difficult to repair after an argument if you've hurt each other - which I think is something you shouldn't do. An argument is never a personal attack towards each other, it's you two on a team trying to solve a problem together. I mean, sometimes it is hard to not place blame, but I've learned to control my tone and explain why I'm upset and how his actions affected me...then listen to his side. This usually opens up a discussion which is much easier to wrap up and find a solution or compromise to without a full blown fight where everyone's emotions are heightened. My fiancé and I have an agreement that no matter how angry we are, if one of us asks for a hug, we have to give it unless it is something truly irreparable, then the only solution to that is to break up.

Hope this helps my love,

Nadeen

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