Hopefully last week's tech issues are now sorted, so here's this week's newsletter ...
Healthy boundaries are essential to protect your time and enable you to remain productive. They’re also important to protect your mental health and emotional wellbeing.
Boundaries are simple guidelines for establishing limits around your time and your space. They’re also about how you want others to treat you and what behaviours you’re willing to accept or not.
How will you respond when someone steps over your boundaries?
Creating healthy boundaries builds a foundation for a positive environment both on a personal and a professional level.
When you know you need better boundaries?
These are all signs that your boundaries may have been crossed and you need to redefine them more clearly.
- Feeling overwhelmed - Constantly
feeling overwhelmed, especially as a result of other people’s demand on your time. Preventing you from doing what you’d planned to do.
- Emotionally drained - Especially after dealing with certain people or in certain situations. Taking on their emotions or fixing their problems. You’re not responsible for how they feel or the actions they take.
- Tolerating or ignoring bad behaviour - Allowing others to treat you with a lack of respect and not feeling able to challenge them.
- Ignoring your needs - Putting others needs before your own or meeting other people’s expectations while ignoring your own.
- Justifying your decisions -
When you feel the need to justify the choices and decisions you make or the actions you take and over-justify.
- Feeling guilty, angry or frustrated - When you take time for yourself or say ‘no’ to requests for your time. or other people ignore your feelings. Experience of frustration or resentment when you’ve agreed to something you didn’t really want to do.
- Overthinking - Constantly mulling over negative thoughts or feeling disappointed by a situation or person.
Define your boundaries
You decide what you want your boundaries to look like and what’s right for you.
- Start with being aware of what makes you feel good and what makes you feel uncomfortable or any of the previous feelings in the examples above. How do you react in certain situations or with
certain people?
- Make a note of the instance at the time it happens, so you can build up a picture of what works and what doesn’t.
- Journalling can help you focus your attention on what’s important.
- Plan out your boundaries.
- Your time - work time, personal time, family, social, self care etc. Having clear start and end times, especially with work.
- Your space - at home and at work. Especially when you work from home the ‘office’ boundary can become blurred.
- Your feelings - what you will and won’t tolerate.
You can be more assertive without being aggressive, rude or disrespectful.
Which boundary will you work on first and where? Start small - finish work at a set time. Stop checking email outside of work hours.
Communicate your boundaries
This can often been the challenging part, especially if you’ve had weak
or non-existent boundaries up until now.
Tell people. Simply let them know what your new, redefined boundaries are. Be clear, calm and concise. You don’t need to go into long lengthy explanations or justification.
When a boundary gets crossed, deal with it there and then. Explain where the boundary has been crossed and what you want to happen this time or next time. Again, being clear and concise.
Maintain your boundaries
People will ignore your boundaries to start with, but don’t give in. Be firm. Reinforce them as often as you need to until they start to understand and respect them.
Your boundaries may change over time, so adjust them as needed but for your benefit, not to give in to others.
They’re your boundaries, so it you want to allow
some flexibility or grey areas, that’s up to you.
The more you respect and reinforce your boundaries, the more others will come to respect and value your time and the choices you make.
Check-in with yourself every now and then. If those negative feelings and emotions are starting to creep in, check your boundaries.
Know your own value and self-worth and use your boundaries to build your confidence and feel more comfortable
and in control.
