Christina here, writing about giving help and asking for help and why it’s not always that easy, even in community.

This week I have had a few fun and novel opportunities to help out friends.  Over the weekend, Ben had his first pig butchering workshop with Fox Holler Farmstead. This is something that I am interested in for sure, and every year I want to get out there and get my hands, er, dirty. I’m perpetually over scheduled and over committed, so it hasn’t happened. But this year I was determined to help. As someone who eats a decent amount of local meat, it’s important for me to not just buy from local farmers but when I can, be involved in the actual process.

Anyway, I offered to do anything that needed to be done, but in the end, only ended up giving a few hours of time and with my more-than-rudementary skills, I’m not sure that Ben ended up saving any time. But I definitely had fun trying out a new skill!

Another opportunity to “help” came up when Josh at Sandhill sent out an email saying that he could use some help in his business, Full Circle Forest Products. Partly because he’s such a nice person and partly for the appeal of playing with new toys, I eagerly told him that he could count on me for a few hours of very, very unskilled work.

Christina helping out at Full Circle Forest Products.

So for two half days this week, I spent a few hours gluing together wood for future cutting boards and flattening wood for future charcuterie boards. I managed to glue together three chunks for the cutting board and made the same mistake twice. And for the first few hours of time I was flattening the wood for the charcuterie boards, I probably asked a question every 15 to 20 minutes. Between the time he spent giving me a ride to town, helping me find safety glasses and ear protection, and answering all of my questions, I’m not sure that the work I did saved much time for him either. But I definitely enjoyed getting away for the day and focusing on something new.

And I just signed up to be a liaison to one of our newest residents, Xela. Soon we’ll start meeting weekly as K* and I work as co-liaisons to help Xela navigate through DRVC (our car co-op), consensus culture, how to find a good dentist in the area, and whatever else comes up for them as a new resident.

Usually, for me, helping others is easy. Spending time making wood smooth and flat is way less complicated than navigating my own projects and priorities, and cutting some meat off a bone is a lot less tricky than negotiating dishwashing or other chores with my family.  Getting the chance to help someone new to learn from my mistakes by meeting once a week to talk about what’s up is a no-brainer.

But it’s not always so straightforward when I’m the one asking for help.

We have an extended trip coming up, and every time we go out of town one of the biggest issues we have to deal with is finding someone to care for our loud, energetic dog, Tango. We’ve somehow managed to find someone every time, and after a few nervous weeks of thinking we might have to take him to a kennel this time, Chad stepped up and said he could take care of Tango again.  

You might be surprised by how hard it can be for people, even those who have lived in community for years, to ask for help. It’s not always easy to ask for it, and it is definitely not easy to let go of the urge to make things “equal” by “repaying” a favor or somehow “making good,” especially when I feel like I am the one getting more. Should we offer to pay people for staying with Tango?  Should we get them gifts or “owe them a favor”? Should I accept the offer and try to pass it forward in some way?  

Or is it okay to just be the vulnerable person who needs help and gets it and leaves it at that?

It’s an especially interesting dilemma in an intentional community with so much emphasis on contributing, giving back, and doing more for the village.

If we are measuring people by what they can give, aren’t we seeing them as simply a cog in the machine?

Seeing the opportunity to help someone else as a gift to me is something that has come easily for me. Asking for help and not repaying it… not so easy.  But I’m working on it.

One way you can help Dancing Rabbit achieve its mission is by donating to our non-profit, the Center for Sustainable and Cooperative Culture (CSCC). In an effort to minimize the financial barriers to those yearning to lead a more meaningful and sustainable way of life, the CSCC is implementing a sliding scale for our visitor programs. These programs are the main avenue for folks to experience and learn from Dancing Rabbit. Whether they choose to pursue a life here, or bring the gift of new knowledge and perspectives to their own communities, we are committed to making this life-changing experience accessible to everybody. In order to make this possible, we need your support! The Hothem Family has once again pledged to be our matching donor for Giving Tuesday, this time matching every dollar up to $7,500. But act quickly! This opportunity ends at midnight on November 28.

Christina Lovdal-Gil is what we would call a typical seven on the Enneagram scale; an individual with talents galore who finds it hard to pass up all the choices in life! We are glad that she continues to write for this newsletter and share her DR life with honesty and openness.