If you ask anyone around here what’s the worst and best part of living in community, I’m pretty sure you’ll get the same answer from just about everyone for both questions: it’s the people.

Christina here, writing about the messiness and difficulties and joys of living so close to all these lovely, complicated people.

I mean wow, people are tough, right? They hurt each others’ feelings intentionally and unintentionally; they perpetuate unjust and racist systems; they constantly make the same mistakes over and over and often learn nothing from those mistakes; they finish the toilet paper and leave you with the empty cardboard roll; they leave the door open and drop their shoes in the exact wrong place where you trip over them carrying home the groceries you bought specifically because they asked you for them; sometimes, they snore.

But also, how great are people? They play sad and lovely music on the banjo while you’re chatting at potluck; they buy fun tabletop games and invite you to play with them; they pick fresh greens and herbs from the garden and use them in a delicious salad which they share with their neighbors; they chat with your kids and ask them questions about their interests and listen when they talk about Pokemon characters or TikTok trends or why they’re having a hard time in school; they do hot uncomfortable work in the Missouri heat and humidity so they can help you fix up your garden; if you’re very lucky, sometimes they bake you cookies.

I’m usually mostly grateful for all the lovely things that being around other people brings into my life. Before we moved here, I had been searching for community for so long yet never really found it. Acquaintances stayed acquaintances, neighbors never got much more than a hello or a wave, and our schedules were so busy that the friends I did have I got to see just a few times a year.

Since we moved to Dancing Rabbit, I do truly have the community that I always wanted. I have so many more and so much deeper friendships than before, and I actually have time to spend with the people around me. Whether we’re working together to weed a garden, or moving a goat fence or making a decision about village policy or just hanging out at the pond or singing together on Wednesday nights, there are so many ways to connect with other humans.

But sometimes, it feels so exhausting!

The constant push and pull of other human beings is something that everyone everywhere feels, but I gotta say that I think we do deal with it more than the average. We’re working together and playing together, eating together and making decisions together, driving places together and sharing bathrooms. That means so many opportunities for connection and fun, but also for frustration and misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

People are complicated and messy and confusing. As much as we at DR might be trying to do things differently—from assuming good intent to using Nonviolent Communication to making decisions through consensus—we are all also bringing with us the messy and often unhealthy things that we learned from our pasts. Sometimes, this means that it’s not always easy to get along and sometimes this means that we hurt each others’ feelings or make mistakes, both big and small.

It takes intention, hard work, and a lot of effort to not fall back on the things we were taught by our families and mainstream society—things like cutting off neighbors we don’t like, ignoring conflict and pretending everything is fine, or just saying yes to get along are all practices that we have to consciously work not to fall back on. And to be honest, it often feels like a one-step-forward-two-steps-back kind of situation for me.

And sometimes, this means that I need to take a break. I might skip a potluck to stay home and scroll on my phone or take a trip somewhere else just to get a break from thinking or worrying or even interacting with people for a few days.

But I am always happy to come home to this life that is so full of other human beings—even if it means tripping over a few pairs of shoes when I do.

Christina Lovdal is currently a member of our Village Council, a governing body that helps the village make decisions. She is busy raising her two kids and arranging many social activities for villagers and visitors. She cooks and hosts a welcome dinner for each of our visitor program sessions.