We tend to avoid feelings for good reason—at a physical level, our brains and bodies are programmed to turn away from pain and seek pleasure. And avoiding feelings may have been a useful coping mechanism early on in our lives.
But if you’re reading this, you’re probably aware of longings beyond mere survival. My guess is that you’re captivated by the possibility of knowing unshakeable peace and infinite love.
Then consider
rising above your programmed tendencies to avoid emotions and turn inward toward them with your heart wide open.
It might sound like a paradox, but when we welcome our emotions just as they are, that’s when they begin to soften. What was stuck is now free. And what you'll undoubtedly begin to notice is spaciousness in your
whole being alive with new possibilities…
What Is a Feeling?
Before we can learn how to be with feelings, we need to understand precisely what
they are.
When we turn inward to explore our experience of emotions, what we find are sensations in the body and a story that you tell yourself in your mind.
Are you aware of fear? You’ll notice a rush of thoughts about the future or
self-doubt along with tension, vibration, and jitteriness in the body. Feeling sad? You might find a story running in your mind about inadequacy, regret, or loss along with a dense feeling in the chest. Anger? You might notice a pressured monologue in your mind along with volcanic sensations in the body.
Knowing that emotions
consist of a story in your mind and physical sensations is profound because it’s the key to freedom from them.
When we’re avoiding emotions, we’ve left ourselves by feeding the mental story and focusing on the outside world. We’re missing the direct experience of what’s happening in our bodies. When we welcome emotions fully,
we turn toward all of ourselves—physical sensations, energies, and parts of us that feel young and disconnected—with unconditional acceptance, love, and care. This is how we find our way back to our essential wholeness.
Knowing How the Story Works
Giving attention to any thoughts will take you away from the direct experience of the feeling in your body. But don’t take my word for it.
When you’re captured by a feeling, check out to see how often you repeat in your
mind the story of what happened and how things should be different. Some stories get stuck for decades, keeping the feelings—and the suffering—firmly in place.
The function of these energized thoughts is to try to solve the problem in your mind and divert you from directly experiencing the sensations in your body.
Maybe you’ve had the same experience as me. If I’m angry at someone, in a moment of awareness, I’ll realize that I’ve been rehearsing over and over in my mind what I would like to say to the person. My hands are clenched and my body is tense and contracted. I’m clearly having a reaction, but I didn’t know it because my attention was lost
in thoughts.
Giving thoughts a lot of your attention will never release you from the emotion. Ignore the sensations in your body, and you will live in the story forever.
How to find freedom? Turn your attention away from the stories, no matter how enticing they may be, and bring openness and compassion to the felt experience in your body. Even long-standing patterns, habits, and grudges will begin to release.
Sometimes the Story Needs to Be
Told
Despite the wisdom of letting go of the story, sometimes it needs to be told. Not in the same compulsive way you’ve been telling yourself forever, but in a way that lets you have the experience of being heard and deeply accepted by someone. Find a trusted friend or professional, and tell them what’s on your mind and how
you feel.
When the time is right, be willing to say “goodbye” to this narrative, then open to the sensations in your body that have been driving it. It’s simple; here’s how…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Put down the fight with your own experience. Center your attention in a vast open field of space, and let any sensations be present as long as they want to be. Over and over, return to being this loving, unconditionally welcoming space
for whatever sensations appear. This is how emotions come for liberation.
With your attention no longer stuck on old stories, what do you notice? Here you are…peaceful…open…loving…free…
Gail
Note: I'm excited to see you at our next online gathering on
Wednesday, November 30, as we open up the topic of True Meeting in Our Relationships. Please click here for details and to register.