Now with a completely different view of human challenges—and so much more compassion for myself and others—I know the freedom that comes with not taking things personally.
It’s possible to be free of the hooks and edges that cause you to feel put down or
slighted. You can live as the free-flow of life where nothing sticks. An event happens, someone says something to you or about you, and here you are—open, untouched, loving, not resisting anything.
And when the hurt of taking things personally appears, you meet it with pure, abiding love…because that’s what it
needs.
Unlocking the door to freedom from taking things personally invites you to be aware of your own reactions. What someone else says or does is about them, and how you react is about you. So we focus on something we can do something about, which is our own reactions.
You might call what you’re experiencing disappointment or rejection, but the reality of it is that some thoughts and feelings have gotten triggered. What can we do with them?
If you feed the story, wallow in feeling badly, or run mental loops about
what should and shouldn’t have happened, you will stay stuck.
Instead, shift to a different approach, which is to hold loving space for the thoughts in your mind and feelings in your body. It looks like this:
- When you feel the pain of
taking something personally, pause, take a breath, and turn toward your inner experience.
- Be the loving companion to your feelings and how they’re showing up in your body. Keep breathing...and hold them with presence and care, just as they are.
- As the story subsides, you'll find compassion for your own pain and eventually
the space to open to those you feel have hurt you as well.
This is what softens the habit of our personal pain.
The part of you that takes things personally may feel raw and young, and here’s why. For
most of us, these painful reactions originated in childhood. When we were young, events happened that brought about emotional reactions in us. If we didn’t have the deep acceptance from others to experience our reactions, they leave a hidden impression in our bodies and minds, and we’re prone to reacting the same way again and again.
Decades later, here we are, experiencing rejection, disappointment, and shame—and taking it personally. Then the spinoff stories start: I’m not deserving, I’m inadequate, I’m unlovable. These experiences congeal into an identity that keeps you frozen and limited.
But what exactly is this identity?
It seems so real, but when you shine the spotlight of your curious attention inward, all you notice are thoughts and feelings.
There is no “you,” no identity of one who has been rejected or disappointed. Only thoughts and feelings appearing in awareness.
Once we begin to discover this truth, we’re available to feeling open, generous, and compassionate—ways of being that are just not available to us when we’re caught in the identity as the one who takes things personally.
Every time we feel hurt is an opportunity for more freedom. Meet your own experience with the love you are longing for. Recognize that others are hurting, too. And with the understanding that it's not personal, expand your heart endlessly into its true nature that lovingly welcomes all.
Gail
Note: I would love to be with you at our next Coming Home Together
online gathering on Wednesday, January 4. We'll be exploring Being the Space of Boundless Love for Ourselves and Others. Please click here for details and registration.