Do you ever feel frustrated by your interactions with others?
You’re triggered by something the other person says and become clouded by your own emotions. You might get defensive or
assert your point of view.
You go into your head thinking about what you’re going to say next instead of listening.
You’re anxious, annoyed, bored, or distracted so you aren’t present.
It happens to all of us. Sound familiar?
There is an invitation available in every interaction we have with others to add a little more peace to our troubled world—and our lives—which is to step out of our inner monologue and into the space of deep
connection.
We realize when we’ve gone into our limiting stories, and we re-engage with the totality of the present moment. We take in the person right in front of us, hearts open, as if seeing them for the first time ever. So alive!
We go from distance, alienation, and separation to openness, connection, and the freshness of our right now experience.
See if you can imagine this shift. You’re speaking with someone familiar to you. There’s a glaze over your eyes.
You're caught in an agenda in your head, and you feel the tendency inside yourself to react.
Now let yourself open to new possibilities. Bring a wave of kindness to yourself for whatever emotions you’re experiencing. Expand your attention to find curiosity in your heart about the other person and what they’re
experiencing.
Notice how walls soften and separation diminishes.
No longer locked in behind the veil of your reactions, you’re available to actually be with the other person and relate heart to heart.
Take in how this feels…. And here are some skills that might help you.
Listen Deeply
Shifting your attention out of your mind, listen with your heart to what the other is expressing. See if you can sense the pain, excitement, anxiety, or whatever else is behind the words. As much as you can, connect with the other’s inner experience with empathy and compassion.
Ask Questions
If you find yourself caught in your own story, ask questions. Be curious about what the other is experiencing. Ask:
- What was that like for you?
- What’s important for you about that?
- How did you feel?
Make Sure You Understand
Don't assume you understand what the other person says or means. Say back what you’ve
heard, and ask for clarification. “Did I get that right?”
My Favorite Question
As the conversation is ending, consider asking, “Anything else?” “Is there anything else you’d like to add?”
You’re communicating patience, presence, interest, and connection. Isn’t that what we all want?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Move beyond your familiar story, and you’ll discover the aliveness that is always here to be lived…right in the we-space of any relationship.
In the absolute truth of things, there is no separation. There is no “other,” no one who annoys you, bores you, or pushes your buttons.
Let the division of you and other drop away…just for a moment. Feel into the one heart that is here and available prior to all words. Let love flow…pure…innocent…and fully unveiled.
Sending much love...🧡
Gail
Note: You are welcome to join our next Coming Home Together online gathering on Wednesday, May 1 from 9-10:30am Pacific. Come and immerse yourself in loving community as we open to: Trauma Healing and Awakening in the Body. Please click here for
details and registration.
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