Finally, I made the decision to deal with my reaction because I didn’t want it taking over my mind and body anymore. When I told the truth about it, what I really wanted was to be free.
My process of letting go brought me a great deal of peace…and if you’re stuck in holding a grudge, maybe it will help you, too.
First, I realized my feelings weren’t going to magically disappear. They needed some focused thought and attention on my part. And this is true of all sticky feelings.
Whether I wanted it or not, I was given an opportunity to work through these feelings when I found out that she was going to be at an event I was attending. My first reaction? Huge resistance.
I told myself I did not want to have an interaction with her, and felt the tension constricting my body at the thought of it.
Then wisdom entered. The question appeared, “How did I really want to show up when I saw her?”
To my surprise, I found that I wanted to be graceful, calm, pleasant, and polite.
Then the next question appeared, “Could I be graceful, calm, pleasant, and polite?” Absolutely.
I easily found the place in me that deeply wants peace and harmony in all aspects of my life. I felt this desire as way more important than holding onto the grudge.
I visualized meeting her with grace and calm. And in the visualization, I found that I could trust my inner knowing about how long the interaction would last and what I would say—as long as I stayed centered in the desire for peace and harmony.
I was making progress.
Then another opportunity came in the form of an illuminating conversation with a friend. As we talked about the situation, I realized that anyone who would do the unethical thing she did must be hurting inside.
Could I have compassion for her pain? Absolutely.
I went behind her icky behavior to tap into what might be driving it. Seeing her as hurting and vulnerable, compassion came easily. The whole struggle relaxed.
I know I’ve found my way through—without an apology or any input from her—as I don’t even think about the situation anymore. I have truly let go.
It’s said that life is always bringing us everything we need for our awakening. It all depends on how we use it.
We can hold grudges and justify to ourselves how right we are. Or we can step back, connect with our deepest desire for peace, and take the actions to find our way through.
We can think we know what is best…or be open to new possibilities.
We can feel hopeless and resigned…or we can tap into the infinite well of creativity, curiosity, and love available to all of us.
So here is the essential question: what do you choose?
Love to you,
