My bird quilt is gone. I have a sinking feeling that it is at the dump. I liked my bird quilt. 

 

Someone asked to buy it, which I agreed to. First I wrapped it in a black trash bag, to protect it before putting it in a cardboard box. But all the boxes at my disposal were too big or too small, so I set the quilt aside until I could locate a better one. A few days later I brought home a medium sized box and hunted for the quilt, but couldn't find it. 

 

I had a dim recollection of a helpful son taking out the trash, which he does without any request from me. Sometimes he uses the clear bags but this time he was holding a black one as he tossed the contents of the living room basket. 

 

In any case, the quilt is gone. 

 

I did not rant or blame anyone. What good would that do? I am taking a deep breath before I start again. 

 

When I think of those efforts I have given up on  over the years... jobs, relationships, practices.... I have some regrets. Was I too hasty? Could I have made it work?

 

There are, of course, endeavors that are best abandoned. But sometimes I bail too soon.

 

This morning I was answering comments for Off the Left Eye, and there were two that jarred me. One hurled an accusation about the racial bias of the creators of the channel, and the other exploded with anger about God being the source of evil in his life. I was unprepared to respond, and said so on our group chat for moderators. Then I rewatched the video being attacked, and felt calm again. The central message is about the gentle welcome we receive when we die, and the images were beautiful. The sentiment that was dumped in the comments was made without really hearing the story. I was able to find words that did not poke back. 

 

The person who blames God for his torment is in pain. As twelve steps remind me, hurt people hurt people. I found words that hopefully do not add to his burden. 

 

I will make another bird quilt. It will be a spiritual practice for me, to mindfully make each little beak and pair of spindly legs. It turns out that God does provide chances to try again.