I barked at John. Maybe it was a culmination of having been a solo parent for five days while he was playing frisbee with three of our sons, a succession of doctors appointments, and figuring out how to ignore my jobs for two weeks. I whined that we don't do fun things together anymore, but just waddle through our
routines. I let loose my complaints like a broken string of plastic beads. Not worth the effort to pick them up.
We never did subscribe to that proverb about not going to bed angry.
The next morning I did what I always do. I responded to
questions on Off the Left Eye. My residual orneriness had faded, especially in the process of reading comments about gushy stuff like love and heaven. My confidence is increasing around finding passages, but there are still times when I want to ask John for help. He knows hundreds without a moment's hesitation. But having so recently been miffed at him, I did not want to be beholden. Someone inquired about options in translations, specifically Portuguese. I wandered around on www.NewChristianBibleStudy for awhile, quite sure that such an option was hiding under an icon. Annoyed, I pushed aside the awareness that John would know how to find it. A bit later someone inquired about reincarnation, and I wanted to give a link to a talk John once gave about it. As I scrolled through the pages and pages of options in New Church Audio that chronicle his talks, I
thawed. He has done a lot of good in the world.
I finished up my hour of responses, and headed to the car for an errand. The CD turned on, as it always does, playing John's music. The last piece of my heart melted, and I left my annoyance in the gutter where it belonged.