John and I met another couple for coffee, and sat outside under an umbrella drinking smoothies. There was no expectation on my part that this be anything more than a pleasant conversation. Yet it was.
The wife expressed her appreciation for her husband's capacity to love her for who she is, while still leaving room for her to
change. As she talked, I thought about those amazing joints that offer both stability and flexibility. I don't really fathom how they achieve both, but I am glad they do. Knees, necks, shoulders, and ankles all give us the strength to stand while also offering the possibility of movement in many directions. One without the other would either be like living as a mannequin, or a jellyfish. Invertebrates seem to enjoy their fluidity, but I have no desire to change places with one. It is hard to
tell if the dummies in the store window are having fun. They are well-dressed, but seldom smile.
When couples fall in love, it is impossible to predict the future. In our early twenties we often enjoy good health, and idealism. It's easy enough to be enamored of those qualities. And yet, forty years later, the dynamics can morph into areas of discord.
Is it a coincidence that people my age are standing in line for knee
replacements? Those body parts seem to break down after a few hundred thousand steps, or body slams on a hockey rink. Fortunately, clever medical professionals have come up with titanium joints, designed to give the patient more years of agility.
Perhaps there are ways to limber up our marriage relationships as well. Maybe it is as affordable as sitting with another couple under an
umbrella.