Marriage Moats-Leave a Mark
Published: Sun, 03/20/11
|Marriage Moats||Caring for Marriage|
It makes sense really. I read of yet another study that says volunteering together as a couple increases your feeling of connection.
It has been true for me. I can still pull up the affection I felt for my co leader in Brownies, or my team creating a children's program six years ago for a church assembly. We showed up together, dreamed a little, made some mistakes and fixed them, witnessed the results of our efforts, grew. I have a permanent warm spot for the choirs I have sung with, from the joy of making beautiful music together. My quilt guild made baby quilts to donate to Project Linus, and it felt much more nourishing to my soul than when I landed an order for 100 doll quilts that paid me $22 each and sold for $69 through a pricey catalogue. Don't tell the little girls who opened them on Christmas morning, but I resented those quilts fiercely.
There is a shift when we show up to serve. Instead of the slice of our personality that critiques and expects to get our money's worth, we rotate to a more vulnerable side that zeros in on the needs around us. Entitlement dissolves into thin air, leaving space for more nourishing emotions like altruism.
It feels good to make a mark, side by side, and to high five each other over the success.
Giving in meaningful ways bonds you to the people you are working with, so you are wise to have your partner on the other side of the adhesive.
Photo by Chara Odhner