“The attempt to avoid legitimate suffering lies at the root of all emotional illness.” – M. Scott Peck
One core insight in my own journey of recovery and spiritual renewal,
over the past two decades, was this: It’s essential to acknowledge and deal with our emotions.
Denying them — by telling yourself “I shouldn’t feel that” — or trying to ignore or “stuff” them is a recipe for depression, hidden resentment, spiritual bypassing, and burnout.
Essential to my growth in happiness, healthy relationships, and sexual self-mastery was developing a deeper awareness of what is happening in my heart — the ability to understand, and willingness to deal with what I’m feeling — instead of ignoring it, or trying to make myself feel something else.
With that said, in the past few years, I’ve come to view emotions with an added nuance. While still valuing them, and finding it important to deal with them, I have come to recognize how fleeting they are. They are like waves that wash over the shore, and then dissipate, only to be followed up by another wave. Like the writer of Psalms says:
“Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes in the morning.” - Psalm 30:5
They are important, we must tend to them, but we are not at their mercy.
I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard people say — when struggling to come to terms with something painful — “I don’t want to think/talk about it (because) I’m afraid if I open up that door I’m going to start crying and never stop.”
But doing this
work — of looking within and dealing with what is there — is essential for their recovery and ongoing emotional and spiritual well-being. It can be done safely and helpfully with the guidance of a skilled counselor.
For most of us, the struggle with our emotions from day to day is more mundane. It has to do with anxiety, sadness,
insecurity, shame, or fear that we don’t want to deal with. So instead, we distract ourselves with busyness and frenetic activity, or numb ourselves out with chemicals or addictive behaviors.
In this week’s teaching video, I mentioned Jesus’ teaching in the Sermon on the Mount: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will
be comforted” (Matthew 5:4).
I believe that addictive substances and behaviors are ways we try to escape from having to mourn.
Of course it doesn't work. The problem is that if we don’t mourn, we don’t find comfort. We find distraction, and often, addiction. The great psychologist and author M. Scott Peck made this point in the quote at the beginning of today’s lesson.
One of the skills required for spiritual well-being and
self-mastery is the ability to ride the waves of emotion, and live with a sense of inner peace, even amidst the swirls of elation, fear, anger, sadness, etc. This takes time, and part of the spiritual journey is cooperating with God to bring healing, wisdom, and inner resources to enable me to do this.
The celebrated Sufi poet Rumi has
a famous poem about the importance of welcoming this variety of experiences into our lives. There’s great wisdom in this, because often these emotions have something important to teach us. Even the negative ones. Listen to what Rumi has to say:
Guest
House
This being human is a guest house. Every day a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them
all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
Be grateful for
whatever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from Beyond.
– Rumi (translated by Coleman Barks)
