Hello , this month I've decided to say something about decision making (how did I decide that??). This is a crucial skill for life and work, and we all want to make good decisions.
But clearly sometimes we don't do that. For example, we all know we should eat better, exercise more and all the rest of it. So what gets in the way?
How can you make good decisions?
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Perhaps paradoxically, emotion is very closely involved in decision making, often at an unconscious level. Our brain seeks immediate gratification over long term gain and it can be hard to over-rule that. I
was fascinated to read recently about the case of a person who had lost all emotion due to a brain injury and was then simply unable to make even the smallest decision. Considering that we make about a hundred each day, that's really tough.
Clearly if you are responsible for huge budgets and enormous projects at work you're going to need tested models and strategies, and you can find out about some of this here. But what about personal decisions, of all shapes and sizes, - What shall I wear today?
- Shall I look for another job?
- Shall I take the opportunity of a relationship with this person?
- Should I move house?
You can try to work out the pros and cons of each, and it's often helpful to enlist another person in this undertaking, but in the end you need to feel you have done the right
thing.
One helpful technique is to force the decision and say, If I had to decide right now, what would I do? Or flip a coin and say that will make the decision. The interesting thing here is that you will have a feeling about the result - if it's a strong 'gut' reaction then that tells you something about the
rightness of that decision.
So it seems that emotion is important in decision making. What do you think? Have you made a difficult decision, where your gut feeling was right? Or not?
The words we use to describe what goes on around us can be seen as a sort of map, that helps us to negotiate the terrain of reality and to find our way around. This is a good thing. Indeed, the human brain is about the most complex and marvellous system in the universe; a permanently switched-on
miracle, much more impressive than our wonderful iPads and other gadgets! (And we all have one of our own!) Nevertheless, there are ways in which we use language, and ways that we think, that are not so helpful to us.
What we think affects the way we behave. For example, if we think (for
whatever reason) that the world is a nice friendly place, we are likely to behave in a sociable and friendly manner ourselves. You can easily see the other side of this. I am making no comment at all about whether life really is as either of these two opposite scenarios might suggest; my focus is on what we actually do think. So, if our thoughts affect our behaviour, we can expect that when we change our thoughts our behaviour will alter. This is the basic premise of the cognitive-behavioural approach. NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) also has a lot to say about
this.
In NLP, it is suggested that there are three main categories of thinking errors that we can fall into. They are - Distortion
- Deletion
- Generalisation
We have to do this to a certain extent because we have so much perceptual input coming at us from our environment every second. For example, do you remember every inch of the last drive you did, or did you get to your destination with very little memory of how you got there?
So far, so good - but sometimes we get into problems when we aren't aware of how we are thinking. Here are one or two thinking patterns based on distortions. First, Mind
Reading. This is where we claim to know what someone else is thinking. A simple example is where we say, 'So and So doesn't like me.' Or, 'my boss thinks I'm inadequate'. The statements might be true but the point is that we just don't know, and if we're wrong, and if we behave as if the statements are true, and they're not, then we can get into quite a
tangle.
We can become aware of when we do this. Ask yourself, How do I know this is the case? What is the evidence for it? Are there any other explanations for what I have perceived?
You might keep a notebook for these reflections.
Just one more for now, where we make a value judgment, without stating who actually made the judgment, as it were plucking it out of the ether. So we might say, 'It's important to work
hard', 'it's wrong to lie', 'it's bad to avoid paying your taxes'. The question to ask here is, who says? And do I believe them? Are there some circumstances where I might disagree with these statements? Is this value right for me?
Can you think of any values you hold that are like this, where perhaps you are not sure where
they have come from? Time to get that notebook out again!
I have to tell you about some new data protection legislation that's coming into force at the end of May - the GDPR. You've probably had lots of emails from various sources asking you to confirm your consent to receive emails and other information
recently.
As a responsible business owner I will be doing the same, so please watch this space. If you think you need to look at this too for your own business, I can confidently recommend an
excellent guide at www.suzannedibble.com. Contact me for more details if you want this.
Executives are people too! |
When I work with senior executives, there is a slightly different process from more personal and well-being coaching. However 'important' people are, though, they still have the same fundamental needs as anyone else. You can try the full
questionnaire that I use for free here - it's set out as an intake form but you can ignore any bits that aren't relevant. If your issues are around work you might like to try this exercise as well as the Personal Life
Analysis.
What's going on at This Coaching Business |
I'm delighted to report that I have been accepted onto the Trusted Coach Directory It's a list of UK verified executive, leadership and career coaches, and coach supervisors. It's
not easy to get on this and I've had to show that I have proven qualifications, professional membership, insurance, supervision, experience and references. You can see my new profile here. I'm still on the Life Coach Directory as well, which you at have used
already.
If you're wondering about what coaching involves and whether to undertake it yourself, you can
book a short free no obligation call with me here at a mutually convenient time. Or read my article
here.
Let me know if there is anything I can assist you with, and I'll be in touch again soon. P.S. if you like this update and you got it from someone else then you can get your own personal regular copy by signing up safely here. Please feel free to share it with anyone you think may like it; just keep the attribution to me. You also get a free download on sign up that will help you increase your well being, effectiveness and resilience. |
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