Bob’s happiness was infectious as he excitedly told us about his new girlfriend he met since his divorce a year ago.
He showed up to our bi-weekly men’s group meeting with a skip in his step. We started the meeting by sharing news, celebrations and/or epic fails since the last meeting.
When we got to Bob he was smiling. He couldn’t wait to tell us more about the new woman he had been dating for the last 4 months.
Bob shared, “Last weekend I got to meet her family and bunch of her nephews and nieces. She’s amazing – everything I was looking for in a woman.”
“What makes her so amazing?” asked another guy.
Bob answered, “Man, it’s just how she treats people. She is so kind, so loving and so connected to her family. I love how creative she is, I mean, the way her mind works is intoxicating. She just makes it easy to be around her and I feel good just being with her.”
“Did you hear that?” I asked the men.
“Hear what?” they replied.
“Did you hear the words Bob chose to describe his feelings about her?”
The Thing about Girlfriends vs. Wives
When I spoke with Bob a year earlier during his divorce, I remember asking him about his wife. He told me he really didn’t want to get divorced. That she just checked out of the marriage – felt numb. She said she didn’t feel “in love” anymore.
When I asked him if he still loved her he answered quickly, “Well…yeah, I guess.”
“What do you love about her?” I asked.
He said, “Well, she’s a great mom and she really takes care of the family. She’s really organized and keeps us on track. And she’s really been getting back in shape and she looks better than ever. Oh, and she’s super productive and gets a lot done.”
Did you hear the words Bob chose to describe his feelings about her?
It was all quite practical.
When asked what he loved about her all he could think of was what she did.
When he described his feelings about his girlfriend it was all about who she was.
When he was first married, that’s how he talked about his wife.
I talk more about this in the video below:
