Hey brother,

Criticism poisons a relationship by undermining any sense of trust and attraction.

Criticism is a very personal attack.

“You’re stupid”
“You’re selfish”
“You’re clueless”
“You’re pathetic”

It's judgmental and incredibly destructive to your relationship. Even if you're only thinking these things - you're communicating them clearly to your wife.

“You’re silly”
“You’re illogical”
“You’re irrational”
“You’re not making any sense”
“You’re pathetic”

Can you imagine how those things slowly beat down the confidence and self-esteem of the person that you’re in a romantic, sexual relationship with?

Criticism dismantles the very foundation of trust and attraction that you once had with each other.

Criticism erodes safety and emotional connection. You’ve probably heard me talk about this over and over again.

Anything that erodes the foundation of trust, emotional safety and attraction is something that will DESTROY the affection and passion in your relationship.

So what should you do instead?

When you're thinking something critical about her, stop, and think about what you want to CREATE instead.

The moment your mouth opens and you say something critical, you’re destroying the chance of what you want happening.

Nothing good can happen from criticizing. Absolutely nothing.

Instead of criticizing, you want to create more trust, more attraction and more respect, but how?

First...pay attention to how you feel.

That anger and shame bubbling up in your body when you’re in an argument or some kind of conflict.

When you feel that, STOP!

If you're upset and about to say something critical, listen to it in your head and then do the opposite instead!

Do the opposite of what you’re thinking.

You have to catch yourself.

I have to do this and bite my tongue all the time.

It's part of being a good leader in your relationship. Knowing how to lead the emotional connection.

So if you’re about to say something critical, stop…breathe…and pause. Change the topic. Say nothing, or, better yet, say something you appreciate about her.

Smile. Let go of the anger. Move in…softly…calmly and give her a hug or a kiss.

Lead her back to connection and trust that it's all going to be okay...it already IS OK. You're OK.

Replace the negative emotion you were wanting to give with something positive.

If you want a relationship filled with trust, affection, respect and positive regard for each other – someone has to take the initiative and lead the relationship there.

This is what we help men do.

Come and join Dan, Tim and I along with some incredibly amazing men who have walked in your shoes – or are walking in them now.