Hey,
Here are the biggest, ugliest emotional daggers a wife can throw at you
I think we need time apart.
I don't see this ever working out.
I don't feel in love with you anymore.
I don't think I want to be married anymore.
and....I'm Done!
I haven't met a man yet who doesn't shutter with confusion, panic and heartache when he hears those words.
We teach you not only what to SAY or DO when this happens.
We teach you what you must THINK.
You need to know where these words come from. What has she been thinking? What has she been feeling? What other plans has she been making?
I won't sugar coat this.
There are times when a woman is 100% serious - 100% clear - 100% dead set on leaving and there is ZERO percent chance of changing her mind. And, yes, you are getting divorced. Period.
But there are also many times when she is simply stating her feelings in the moment.
"I'm Done!" is often a declaration that she is done with the status quo. She's done feeling anxious, sad, alone, unimportant, ignored and bored.
This kind of "I'm Done" is a cry for help. For change. For a glimpse of strength and leadership from her man to convince her things aren't as bad as she is feeling in the moment.
This is when we normally receive our first email from a guy asking for help and support.
He wants to know, "What does leadership even mean?" And "How does she want me to be strong? Strong in what?"
The first coaching tip is to STOP and DO NOTHING.
Weird, I know. It's so counter-intuitive for men.
Don't try to analyze, criticize, defend, explain, interrogate or otherwise engineer some damn solution.
The reasoning behind this is because anything you do next will be FELT to be a denial and invalidation of her feelings.
She will experience your fear, anger and anxiety as further confirmation she is in the wrong place...with the wrong person.
So what do you do?
My suggestion for that very moment is to say, "I want you to know I hear you loud and clear. I see how you're feeling and I understand how horrible it must feel. I'm sorry."
Resist the temptation to explain YOUR side of the story. Resist the urge to dig in for details and explanations.
Lose your immediate need for HER to make YOU feel better.
What's next?
You need smart, wise, experienced men in your life at this point to guide you, support you and have your back.
This was my salvation when I was in those shoes.
There is stuff a man will never learn in therapy.
There is a masculine mindset and perspective a man will never learn in couples counseling.
There stuff my dad NEVER TOLD ME about being a man and responding to this situation
We want you to learn this stuff because "this shit works". See the video for more about that.
