Tarot Tips: Love, Tarot and the Borderline Querent
Published: Wed, 02/01/17
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![]() Newsletter of The Tarot School
http://TarotSchool.com ISSN: 1529-0565 Vol. 9 #2 / February 1, 2017
In this Issue: - Welcome
- Tarot Tip: Physical Descriptions and Characteristics of the Tarot Court
- Tarot School Aphorism
- What’s Gnu? - Guest Article: Tarot Counseling, Skills, & Ethics (Part 3) - PsychWise: Love, Tarot and the Borderline Querent - Upcoming Events
Welcome to a new issue of Tarot Tips!
And a special welcome to our new subscribers.
![]() Today, we are a full Major Arcana of years in service to you, to the tarot community, and to the cards. February is often considered a month of love, and we want to show how much we love you by offering you a special birthday gift to help us celebrate. (It's also Ruth Ann's birthday this month!) See "And one more thing..." for the details. Speaking of love, users of oracular systems such as tarot are said to have relationship questions as a top life concern. Life doesn’t come with a manual, and love relationships don’t either, but tarot is certainly useful in navigating matters of the heart. In matters of love, the questions of who, when and what are possibly asked the most. In this issue, we offer some traditional outlines as to the physical descriptions of the tarot court. In PsychWise, Dr. G discusses the kind of querent who would be most interested in a love relationship reading, and our guest columnist Katrina Wynne concludes her Tarot Counseling Skills and Ethics series with Part 3: Ethical Considerations for Readers. And one more thing...
At the last Readers Studio, Barbara Moore taught us about the special magic of blessings. Our gift to you, in celebration of our 22nd Birthday, is the Tarot Blessings Book -- a collection of 22 blessings from the Major Arcana, written by Ruth Ann Amberstone. She has matched them with beautiful photographs, some of which you may find surprising. ![]() You can download your copy here: http://tarotschool.com/Tarot-Blessings-Book.pdf (Please give the file time to open.) Enjoy! With love and gratitude on the tarot journey, Ruth Ann, Wald, Gina & Elinor
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PHYSICAL DESCRIPTIONS & CHARACTERISTICS
OF THE TAROT COURT by Gina Thies The human figure has been the subject of drawings and art from the beginning of history. It has been so significant to art, partly because it is used to express the cultural values and viewpoints of the diverse eras in which they are composed. The Renaissance having the most influence on tarot is possibly also most detrimental in terms of representing all spectrums of people. It is a reminder of how small the world once appeared. In the telling of any story, the physical descriptions of characters help to bring the story to life. One could liken the reading process to telling one’s life story, with a host of characters that influence the tale. In matters of love, querent regularly ask, “What does the future hold for my love life?” followed by “What does he/she look like?” Even when matters are not so close to the heart, querents naturally want specific information to make a reading more relevant and personal. The tarot court cards are without a doubt descriptive of personalities in the cast of life. The following are a list of traditional and not-so-traditional physical descriptions of the 16 types of people represented in tarot royalty. King of Wands Physical type: Red or reddish-brown/auburn hair, fair or light skinned complexion that could be freckled or with a distinct mole or scar on the face or head. Eye color ranges from hazel to green blue or turquoise. Appearance can be husky or muscular with pronounced nose, chin or brow areas. Mature or 35+ in age. Characteristics: Headstrong, vibrant, impulsive, capable, dedicated, driven and typically has a good sense of humor. King of Swords Physical type: Blond hair or hair with blonde highlights or streaks. Fair complexion, may be darker due to sun exposure. Eyes glitter or shine and colors range from blue, bluish-gray to bluish-green to light brown. Often features a long nose and a high forehead. Mature or 35+ in years. Characteristics: Rational, perceptive, can be selfless or self-righteous. Reasonable, poised, judicious, and often speaks through facial expression. King of Cups Physical type: Light brown to golden blonde hair or highlights. Hair is usually thick and leans more to brown. The complexion is medium fair to olive with piercing eyes having colors that range from grayish-blue to brown. The face shape typically is square with distinct features, sultry lips and high or prominent cheekbones. Mature or 35+ in years. Characteristics: Malleable, moody, tender, devoted, loving, focused with creative tendencies. King of Pentacles Physical type: Dark brown to black hair or highlights. Hair may gray in early years leaving a salt and pepper appearance. The complexion ranges from fair to any dark-skinned tones. The eyes are clear and bright and in fairer skin can be blue, green or violet. With darker skin tone, they range from hazel or light-brown to dark brown. The face tends to look serious and the body type can be slender or lean and tall. Mature or 35+ in years. Characteristics: Physically strong with high endurance, capable, confident, resourceful, enterprising and dependable. Queen of Wands Physical type: Auburn, burgundy, red or reddish-brown hair with red highlights or henna rinse. The complexion is extremely light to darker fair with freckles, spots or moles. The eyes are pleasant and color ranges from light amber to hazel or from blue to grey. There is tendency to have prominent facial features and a stout, sturdy frame. Mature or 35+ in years. Characteristics: Dramatic, passionate, vibrant, feisty, impulsive and busy. Can also be aloof or egotistical and haughty. Queen of Swords Physical type: Light blond to dark brown hair with blonde highlights or ombre coloring. Medium-skinned, may be darker due to sun exposure. Eyes can range from blue to bluish gray or greenish-brown. In older people of darker skin tones, eyes can have a bluish appearance. Often features an oval face and appear younger than they actually are in age Typically of average to above average height. Very sophisticated. Mature or 35+ in years. Characteristics: Intellectual, ingenious, perfectionist, straightforward and honest. Loves harmony, balance and pleasantries. Diplomatic, tactful and discriminating. Queen of Cups Physical type: Light blond to sandy blond hair or dark hair with blonde highlights. Hair may also be thin. Light to medium olive skin tones, may be darker due to sun exposure. Eyes are blue, blue-gray or light brown with specks of yellow or blue. Often features a a short nose and round facial details. Height tends to be below average to average. Mature or 35+ in years. Characteristics: Charming, alluring, mysterious, soothing, loving and soft attitude. Can be naïve, trusting and innocent. Queen of Pentacles Physical type: Dark brown to black hair or dark hair mixed with gray and straight or coarse. Complexion is medium to dark and deep-set eyes tend to be darker no matter the hue, ranging from hazel to green and sometimes violet, which is really a very deep blue. Features are fine and the nose long and thin or broad. Body frame has tendency to be thin and bony and small to below average height. Mature or 35+ in years. Characteristics: Studious, resourceful, public-minded, charitable, service-oriented, philanthropic, aspiring and inspirational. Knight of Wands Physical type: Blond or red hair that is thick and bushy. Fair or light skinned complexion. Eyes range from blue to green-blue or turquoise. Features include a large aquiline nose, wide forehead and often a large prominent mouth. Body is top-heavy and can have long legs and there may be a tendency towards clumsiness. Young adult 18+ in age. Characteristics: Intuitive, vibrant, politically-motivated, philosophical, natural leadership abilities. Knight of Swords Physical type: Blond hair or dark hair with blonde highlights or streaks that is straight and thick. Fair complexion or light-skinned, may be darker due to sun exposure. Eyes are sparkling bright and colors range from blue to bluish-gray to light brown. Often features a prominent nose and a high forehead. Body is tall, lean and sinewy. Young adult 18+ in age. Characteristics: Eccentric, vivacious, dramatic, quick-witted, experimenter, social-engineer, outgoing and wish-washy. Knight of Cups Physical type: Light blonde to amber brown hair or highlights. The complexion is fair to light olive with piercing eyes having colors that range from gray to brown. The face shape typically is square with shapely lips and high or prominent cheekbones. Young adult 18+ in age. Characteristics: Honorable, compassionate, sacrificing, nurturing, ideal lover, romantic, flirtatious, kind and considerate. Knight of Pentacles Physical type: Dark auburn to black hair or highlights. Hair is quite thick with a healthy appearance. The complexion ranges from medium olive to dark. The eyes are piercing, serious. With fairer skin, eyes can be blue, green or violet; with darker skin tones, eye can range from hazel or light-brown to dark brown. The face is bold either in round or square shapes attached to a long or thick neck and well proportioned body. Young adult 18+ in years. Characteristics: Protective, involved, responsible, hard working, dependable and dull. Serious, practical and concerns with the important duties of life. Page of Wands Physical type: Fair, strawberry-blonde or light brown hair. Very fair or light skinned complexion. Eyes range from green to blue or blue-gray. Face is marked with a distinguished nose with a high bridge, large forehead and often a prominent chin. Bone structure is average but sturdy. Either sex and under 18 years of age. Characteristics: Light hearted, playful, sincere, active, athletic, adventurous, supportive and team player. Page of Swords Physical type: Medium blonde or dark hair with blonde highlights or streaks that is straight with a tendency to be sparse. Fair complexion or light-skinned, may be darker due to sun exposure. Eyes are sparkling bright and colors range from, bluish-gray to greenish brown. Body is lean, muscular and toned. Either sex and under 18 years of age. Characteristics: Curious, nosey, impressionable, practical, patient, cooperative, thinker and daydreamer. Page of Cups Physical type: Fine, light blonde to honey blonde hair or highlights. The complexion is fair to light olive with large, hypnotic eyes having colors that range from gray to blue and hazel. There is a tendency to have a small frame that is dainty or delicate. Either sex and under 18 years of age. Characteristics: Emotional. Sensitive, intuitive, vulnerable, warm, friendly, talkative, creative and affectionate. Page of Pentacles Physical type: Dark brown to black hair or highlights. Hair can be coarse and thick or wavy. The complexion ranges from medium olive to dark. The eyes can be blue, green, violet or dark brown to black. With darker skin tones, eye color can range from hazel or light-brown to dark brown. The body is stern, solid and they can appear more mature than their actual age. Either sex and under 18 years of age. Characteristics: Instinctual, earthy, practical, emotionally secure, productive, patient, conservative and enthusiastic. Tarot School Aphorism ![]() ![]() I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THAT!
![]() At the end of January, I was about to let everyone know that there were just a few days left to take advantage of the 2-month payment plans for Readers Studio and the RS + Tarot & Psychology Conference combo, when I discovered that I never updated the store or the website. What I found instead, was the notice that the 3-month plan expired at the end of December, 2016. ARRG! I wondered why nobody was taking advantage of the payment plan anymore! I could've just let it go. Frankly, it would've been easier for me. Instead, I decided to extend the payment plan through the end of February. So, if you've been on the fence about attending because of finances, and will find it helpful to split the conference tuition into 2 installments, now is your chance to go for it! http://tarotschool.com/RS17/payments.html This offer is good through February 28, 2017. Back in the '80s, I wrote a song entitled I Like to Bang My Head... Because it Feels Good When I Stop. Well I think I've outgrown that way of thinking because now all I've got is a headache! Please accept my apologies for the oversight -- I hope you'll take advantage of the payment plan so we may have the pleasure of your company at Readers Studio in April! ~ Ruth Ann Guest Article
by Katrina Wynne, MA, CTM, CTI, CLC TAROT COUNSELING, SKILLS & ETHICS Part 3: Ethical Considerations for Readers Talking about “ethics” can bring up fears or fall
upon deaf ears at times, although it is the foundation upon which most relationships rely, be they social or business. It helps us build trust and offers a sense of security that allows us to develop more meaningful connections. In my final piece on counseling skills I invite you as a Tarot Tips Newsletter reader to consider various ethical issues that arise from your chosen profession or pastime. Business ethics overlap with topics we covered in the December 2016 Tarot Tips Newsletter, especially understanding various boundaries for the client, as well for the reader. I would add “Truth in Advertising” as a major consideration for the foundation of our work. Developing repeat customers is established by the quality of service the client experienced and can expect to receive in future sessions, based on what inspired them to reach out for a reading and whether that was satisfied… or ideally exceeded. Clear and consistent financial or other transactions are paramount, especially for ethical readers. We have all heard the stories about those other readers who lure their customers in by offering a $5 reading that turns into investing thousands of dollars to guarantee a particular result. If you charge by the minute, have a timepiece visible. If you charge by the hour, start on time and keep to your hour. Having a clear price or exchange agreement includes a mutual understanding of the time and place of the session, as well as fulfilling the appointed service. In the last newsletter I talked about creating public or customer statements that reflect your personal service values in the form of…. Code of Ethics — a series of statements about your values and your boundaries. Tarot (or other service) Philosophy — declaration about your approach to your work. May include why you are offering your service. List of Services and Prices — list and description of services your provide and the cost for each. In addition, here are considerations for ethical proclamations: Mission Statement — A simple sentence or paragraph that expresses your purpose, whether it be your personal vision or the focus of your work. Here is an example from my weblog: “I am a Forest Mystic whose courageous LoveLight inspires and supports individual and collective social-spiritual transformation.” Scope of Practice — If you have special or official credentials, such as a medical, legal, or counseling degree and/or licensure, based on the requirements in your location of practice, you can state them, while also making clear delineations about topics that do not fit within your expertise. For example, if you are not a medical professional, your Scope of Practice disclaimer would say that you do not give medical advice. Legal Scope of Practice is a very serious topic that deserves our attention. In the spirit of transparency, I am not a legal professional and cannot give legal advice. I recommend that you consult with a legal advisor in your area who can support better understanding of the rules, ordinances, and/or laws in your community, state, and nation that effect your practice. Here are a few legal-related questions I wish to highlight: — What name do you call yourself or your service? Is it an acceptable title that matches your service, yet does not violate local rules, ordinances or laws. Examples: counselor, consultant, reader, fortune-teller. — If there are strict rules in your location for oracle reading, how do your feel about the “For entertainment only” provision, if this is an option? — If you are a legal or medical professional offering readings on these topics, do you also have the counseling skills necessary to support the emotions that may also be expressed by your client when focusing on tough topics? Do you have a sense of your own limits and are you prepared to share from your Referral List (covered in Part II of this series)? — If you are not a legal or medical professional and unintended medical or legal messages come through the reading with a querent, how do you handle that message? In addition to my book, An Introduction to Transformative Tarot Counseling, I recommend the resourceful writings of Christine Jette in Professional Tarot, and Christiana Gaudet in Fortune Stellar (currently being updated for release in 2017). Feel free to send questions you may have for me to the Tarot Tips team. ============================================================ ![]() is an internationally renowned Transformative Tarot Counselor™ and trained psychotherapist with 45 years’ experience living the wisdom of Tarot. Katrina will be a featured presenter at the 2017 Tarot & Psychology Conference! Contact Katrina at: www.TarotCounseling.org - website www.MySacredJourney.org - weblog www.OracleSoup.org - podcast www.Facebook.com/katrina.wynne/ PsychWise – Tarot & Psychology Q & A with Elinor Greenberg, PhD, CGP, CPTR LOVE, TAROT, AND THE BORDERLINE QUERENT Last month’s column dealt with Narcissism and Tarot, so I thought this month I would talk about Borderline clients and the use that they make of Tarot. It is my belief that clients who have made Borderline adaptations to traumatic early childhood situations that left them feeling needy, often come to Tarot readers for repeated relationship readings. Then, if they are in emotional distress, they sometimes cross a line and start to ask for and expect more than most Tarot readers are prepared to give them. This is not always obvious at the beginning of the relationship. Part of why it is not obvious, is that most books and movies paint an exaggerated picture of what someone suffering with Borderline problems looks like. I have found that when most people think of Borderline Personality Adaptions, they often picture an extremely demanding emotional woman who is behaving self-destructively and impulsively, creating havoc in the lives of the people around her. When she is not threatening to kill herself over some imagined abandonment, she is taking drugs, sleeping with strangers, and cutting herself. She is dramatic, histrionic, and quickly switches from love to hate and back again. Of course, such women do exist, but they are usually the lowest functioning and least intelligent of all the people that struggle with typical Borderline issues, such as: • A single-minded focus on getting love and nurturing • The desire for reparenting to make up for what they did not get in their childhood • Extreme fears of abandonment or engulfment • A sense of emptiness and restlessness when alone • An inability to self-soothe and manage emotions constructively • Difficulty organizing their life in order to meet everyday adult responsibilities Most of the people, both men and women, with the above issues are not so obvious that we immediately recognize the Borderline pattern when we first meet them. Only their best friends and their close family are likely to understand how much they are suffering. The Borderline Querent The individual with Borderline issues that most Tarot readers are likely to see presents as a love-obsessed querent who is preoccupied with finding his or her “Soul Mate.” These are the querents who come to Tarot readers and ask some variation of the following questions over and over again: • Does he/she really love me? • How do I get him/her back? • Will he/she call me again? • Why haven’t I heard from him or her? • Is he/she going to go back to his wife/husband? • What can I do to make him/her love me? • Why is everybody so mean to me? If their finances allow, and the readers were willing, they would come daily for a Tarot reading to ask very concrete questions about their life, such as: “Will he call me tonight?” and “Is he thinking of me right now?” (or in the case of heterosexual Borderline guys, “Does she really love me? Why is she being so mean to me?”). When the cards do not show an answer that reassures them, they will simply rephrase their question a slightly different way, and ask again and again hoping for a different answer. Love Is the Only Borderline Solution We have all been in love, longed for love, or wished that someone we desire would desire us back. So you may be wondering, what’s the big deal? Why single out these querents as having Borderline issues? Doesn’t everybody want love? Yes, but most of us can tolerate those times when we are not in love and no one is in love with us. Our life still goes on and there are other things we focus on besides love and finding our “Soul Mate.” These querents that I am describing are obsessed with love and relationships. Nothing else really interests them very much. They truly believe that ALL their life problems would be solved by finding what they think of as their “Soul Mate”: someone they believe was meant only for them who will love them perfectly and forever, no matter what. Love is the only solution that they see to any of life’s problems, and the lack of a perfect mate is the only life problem that they truly care about on a deep level. Everything Feels Like an Emergency The other common feature is that Borderline clients experience many everyday situations as dire crises. When they are not calling you for a love reading, they are calling late at night for an emergency reading or some reassurance and contact. They are upset and want you to immediately stop whatever you are doing and read for them or at least talk to them until they feel better. They stop noticing normal boundaries, forget that you, their reader, have a personal life that doesn’t involve them, and may send you long rambling late night texts looking for instant advice and some reassurance that you care about them. They now have blurred the line and are trying to make you into a parental substitute who will take care of their emotional needs—not just be their Tarot reader. Children in Adult Bodies Many clients who have made Borderline adaptations report feeling as if they are children in adult bodies who cannot function at an adult level. This is like those Hollywood movies in which a young teen and her mother suddenly switch bodies. The teen now goes to the Mother’s workplace and tries to mimic how they think their Mother would act there. This is played for humor in these movies, but those Borderline individuals who actually feel this way do not experience their situation as humorous. Instead, they tend to experience life as a series of emergencies because they have not internalized appropriate adult strategies for self-care, self-support, managing their emotions, and dealing with adult responsibilities. There is a Bruce Springsteen song, “For You” whose chorus captures this. He sings: I came for you, for you, I came for you But you did not need my urgency I came for you, for you, I came for you But your life was one long emergency What to Do? If you let these clients continue using you as a prop and substitute parent, this will just increase their dependency on you for soothing and insight. This may seem fine in the beginning when you are happy to take their money for readings, and are delighted that they are turning into regular clients. At that stage, you may not have minded or even noticed that these querents are becoming increasing dependent and coming to you for more than just Tarot readings. It probably felt flattering and good for your cash flow. So…. You gave them the extra care and time and may have tolerated them crossing some boundaries. You may have even discounted your rate or given them free sessions because you felt sorry for them. Now, they have come to expect that you will do this on a regular basis and they are becoming a pest. You may begin to feel as if they are invading your life and you experience the sudden need to extricate yourself from this situation pronto. Clear Boundaries and Policies are Necessary Psychotherapists are taught to develop clear policies about boundaries and policies. We decide what our office hours are, what are fees are, when people can call us, and how often we are willing to see a client. Then we insist that our clients stay within the boundaries that we set up. Many of our clients lead impulsive and disorganized lives. If we allowed them total freedom to enter our lives whenever they wanted to, we would soon resent the disruptions and our life would become as chaotic as theirs. I recommend that you develop your own set of rules that you would like your clients to abide by. This can include such things as: • How do you want to be contacted? Text, email, or phone call? • When can they contact you? For example, I am available from 10:30 am to 8 pm. If someone contacts me outside of those hours, I do not return their texts, emails, or phone calls until it is convenient for me. • How much notice do you require in order not to charge someone for a cancelled session? • How often are you willing to read for the same person on the same topic? • Will you read for the same person more than once per week? Love and Self-Control: The Borderline Dilemma As I was writing this article, in the back of my mind I was playing with the question: What Tarot cards relate to Borderline adaptations? I came up with the obvious choices like the 2 of Cups and Key 6 The Lovers, but I also had some insight into cards that relate to the issue of abandonment and how Borderline clients need to approach their issues. I will share some of my process with you. When I started thinking about the Borderline querent’s desire for love and their fear of abandonment, I first thought of the 5 of Pentacles. That has always been my abandonment card that represented some of my early experiences with homelessness. But the figures in that card are not actually being abandoned. They have each other, and there are no Cups in the card. It is all about Pentacles. Abandonment and the 8 of Cups Suddenly, the 8 of Cups flashed in my head. Here is a person walking away from all these perfectly good Cups to search for something he wants even more. I started thinking about the Cups he was leaving behind and how they felt. Poor abandoned Cups. These abandoned Cups were not enough to keep the person from leaving. To me they represent all the feelings of the Borderline querent who is watching someone go, who they hoped would be the love of their life—their soul mate. I will never look at the card in quite the same way again. Key 8 Strength: Subduing the Internal Lion After the abandonment come feelings of desperation. Life seems pointless without the lover who left, and the Borderline querent is desperate to get the person back. It literally feels like a life and death situation. Their moods can rapidly fluctuate from longing to hatred, then to depression, and back to hurt and rage. At this point they are likely to make very bad choices because they are overwhelmed by feelings and not thinking rationally. This is the source of those late-night rambling text messages that the person sends while crying, probably after drinking too much as well. I had a sudden insight that the solution to their problem and out-of-control feelings and behavior could be found in Key 8 Strength. The calm woman in the card, with the symbol for eternity over her head, wrapped in a girdle of red roses representing passionate desire, is gently subduing a red lion. On an esoteric level, the Kundalini life energy that is involved in sexuality is represented by the curve in the lion’s tail. The red lion himself can be seen as our animal nature and all the impulses that could use a little gentle control and direction. All of us have this lion within us, and all of us have the choice of learning when the lion’s power and energy needs to be taken in hand so our passionate and impulsive animal nature does not control us. When we can use our strength to gently subdue and quiet our lion, we can then access the most evolved and wisest part of ourselves to make our decisions. An Exercise for your Borderline Querent If you are reading for someone like this, you can explain what Key 8 Strength represents in this context, and suggest that the querent meditate on this card for five minutes when they would like to feel more in control of their feelings. The basic idea here is that the symbols on this card can act as positive suggestions to their subconscious mind that they are strong enough to calmly and gently take control of themselves, even though a lover has disappointed them. Then instead of frantically calling you for reassurance, Key 8 Strength acts as a substitute for you (a transitional object that represents a source of comfort) and they can use it to help themselves. ![]() is an internationally renowned Gestalt therapy trainer who specializes in teaching the diagnosis and treatment of Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid adaptations. She has been studying tarot since 1995 and is psychology consultant to The Tarot School, where she earned a Third Degree in Tarot. She is a member of B.O.T.A. (Builders of the Adytum) and has been certified as a professional tarot reader by the American Tarot Association. Dr. Greenberg is the author of Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety, which demystifies the diagnosis and treatment of personality disorders. Tarot Salon
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