3 Hard Reasons Why I Struggled with Forgiveness - June 2016 - The Evolving Heart Newsletter

Published: Thu, 06/23/16

Life Gets 
Better 
When We 
Let Go and Love the Bitter
​
June 2016
Welcome to the Evolving Heart Newsletter, the place for updates on Emotional Intelligence and Forgiveness information and happenings. There is a lot of momentum building going on here at The Evolving Heart! We give you the best of the best tools to elevate your life onward and upward!

Welcome! - Taylor Tagg
Upcoming
Forgive and Find Peace Workshop 
July 9, 2016

We are inching closer to The Forgive and Find Peace Workshop on July 9th. This workshop is better than ever!

Did I mention it's now free? Space is limited. In lieu of a registration fee, you may choose to make a contribution to the Forgiveness Ministry to help cover expenses and expand our outreach.

Join me for the next FAFP workshop on Saturday, July 9th from 9 AM - 5 PM. 
8191 Dogwood Rd in Germantown.

What can you expect from a FAFP workshop?                
  • Shed your stress and heal from life's disappointments
  • Resolve old hurts and renew your love for family members
  • Improve your health and increase your vitality
  • Connect with your soul and God
  • Gain a valuable tool for your toolbox
  • And live more purposefully than you ever have before
All in a day! Join us on July 9th!

For a prelude to FAFP, listen to The Eight Steps to Peace on LearnItLive.com
                             
Register for the free July 9th, 2016 Forgive and Find Peace Workshop

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward​.” 
― Steve Maraboli      
3 Hard Reasons Why I Struggled with Forgiveness was published in The Huffington Post in May. Feel free to read and share! 


It came like a flash in my mind. A simple question with a simple answer.

“If I forgive him, would it help me?”

Suddenly a voice inside my head said, “Yes!!!”

So, I immediately envisioned an image of my abuser standing in front of me as I confronted my memory of him.

I said without reservation, “I forgive you completely from my heart and I send you my love for your own healing in your own time.”

That was it. Just that simple.

And then I let it all go on the inside ... the 10 years of verbal and mental abuse, the numbness, the emotional toll, the screaming, the nasty language, the sexual innuendos, all the damage he had done.

I just let it all go.

The next moment I felt a great weight lift off of my chest. I felt light and giggly. I also felt like I had somehow finally done something I was meant to do. I felt a freedom I had not known before.

In a moment of true forgiveness I never saw coming, I realized that my body, mind, heart, and spirit weren’t meant to carry these burdens. I had done in an instant what seemingly I refused to do for thirty years. A smile came to my face, the first one in a long time.

Forgiving didn’t come easy for me. I fought it like the dickens.

It came after decades of struggling, searching, and wishing things were different than they were.

Could I have forgiven him 30 years ago? Yes, but I didn’t know how and I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It didn’t seem like the right thing to do at the time.
Now it did because this day I was ready for peace more than the pain.

The day I forgave him was the day I decided to set this situation right on my own terms no matter how much time had passed.

What took me so long?

Through ongoing forgiveness research and a full examination of my thoughts, heart, and belief systems, I discovered several reasons why I struggled to forgive.

Here are my Top 3:

1. I Needed Redemption — nothing is worse than feeling the pain of getting hurt and not getting closure. I hung on thinking he would eventually do the right thing and apologize.

How could he not? Life didn’t force him to make it right. Sometimes the other person is unaware they injured us.

That didn’t keep my mind from wanting him to take action and admit his mistakes.

We want people to take responsibility!

Most of the time, the apology never happens. It didn’t come for me.

However, all is not lost. We certainly can redeem all parts of our pain through forgiveness. We can vow to make it right within us, regardless of what the other person does or does not do.

It’s the kind of redemption that comes from love and allows the fear of our painful memories finally fall away for good.

2. I Needed Answers — thoughts racing through my mind were why me? If he hadn’t been in my life, I would be so different!

Those were the victim cycles I experienced in the aftermath of that time.

How could I forgive without answers, without so much as an explanation?
Talking to him again was out of the question. So, I learned how to create answers for myself.

Was this experience really meant to happen to me or for me?

After a lot of soul-searching and professional help, I came to the understanding that the true answers to healing were inside of me.

Could abuse lead to the experience of something better?

Yes, I decided it could.

Instead of wishing the experience never happened, I assigned a different meaning to it.

I used the situation to my advantage. I decided that the 10 years of abuse and 20 years of searching were meant for me on the journey of healing my soul and eventually to understand the incredible power of forgiveness.

I managed to find as Dr. Napoleon Hill described as the “the seed of equivalent benefit” in my pain.

Today, I help others find peace. That would have never been possible had I not went through what I did in childhood.

Your pain can become your purpose if you will allow it.

In the final analysis, I never needed answers from him. What I truly desired was to provide myself with the answers of how I was going to turn the situation around to benefit the remainder of my life. The first act of moving forward was to forgive him.

3. I Felt Good in Resentment — maybe you have felt it ... holding on to the possibility that one day I’ll get even had me feeling good about keeping the resentment going. Let me be honest, it felt really good to vent, cuss, and stir my hatred of what happened over and over.

After a while, the circle of resentment started to hurt and began affecting my physical health. The taste in my mouth changed. I gained weight. I felt dense and lethargic. Something had to give.

What I didn’t realize is that the unforgiveness was causing my body, mind, and spirit great harm. Replaying anger released harmful chemicals in my body that protected me, yet help me build walls of fear that kept me isolated and unable to move forward.

The very moment I forgave him, the walls of fear came tumbling down and the freedom I felt was a spiritual light and newness helping me to expand the view of the situation.

So, what did I learn?

I learned that I held on tight in resentment because I thought it would help me get even. I thought it would provide the answers I needed from him. I thought it was safe, keeping the anger alive, groveling in excuses, and waiting for it all to come full circle.

Our thoughts can deceive us into an endless cycle of survival until we are ready to break free and thrive again.

Forgiveness was the magic key that brought the separated parts of me back to wholeness.

Forgiveness was the only true answer to peace, freedom, and final internal reconciliation with him and with myself.

Forgiveness was my redemption, my answer, my way to finally heal my life.

Is it time for you to heal what is hurting you?

June's Video



  How to Overcome Your Fear ~ Taylor Tagg
Video
The Secret to Peace
Get quiet for a few moments today and find the peace that lies inside of you. 
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Workshops for 2016
July 9, 2016 Forgive and Find Peace Workshop and
Retreat to Peace 2016 on the Gulf Coast of Florida. Nov 2-6
The Forgive and Find Peace Workshop (FAFP) is a unique healing experience in which you learn tools in one weekend that you will use for a lifetime. It is an opportunity for emotional healing and a spiritual tune-up that will leave you feeling lighter, clearer, and closer to God.

Comments from recent FAFP Workshops

"Forgive and Find Peace was extraordinary!" - L Rostig
"A deeply, profoundly moving experience." - B Harris
"I knew it would be amazing...and it was!" - S Baur

See you in February for a year of opening into forgiveness!

Upcoming Workshops

Forgive and Find Peace Workshop
July 9, 2016 Memphis, TN 

Registration for the February 2016 workshop is free. FAFP alumni can also return free for a refresher.


Retreat to Peace 2016
November 2-6, 2016 
Tagganale, Seacrest Beach, FL
Learn how to bring a guest for free!

Retreat to Peace is a four-day relaxation experience on the beautiful Gulf Coast of FL in which you learn tools to unwind away from the daily grind and build peace in your life. It's an opportunity for healing, clarity, new vision, and to be with like-minded friends in a gorgeous setting.

 Where can I contact Taylor with any questions?
By phone at 901.921.8901 or email: [email protected]
Taylor's Published Books Library

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