=====

WHAT'S INSIDE: As promised, here are some
objective examples of the type of ill-advised lessons
that people who have failed in their male/female
relationships would like to impose on us.  Be on
your guard.

=====



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=====



TOP 10 WAYS MISERABLE PEOPLE GIVE BAD DATING ADVICE


Yesterday I wrote to you about the pitfalls of taking dating advice
from people who haven't exactly succeeded in their own male/female
relationships.

Well, as promised I've got a "top ten" list of examples of the kind
of negative advice you may have received in the past from "poverty"
types.

Remember, this sort of admonition can be delivered with a smile.
At times, someone may actually even think he or she is giving good
advice, having grown so accustomed to the comfort of not having to
succeed. 

So in the end, you and only you can be counted on to have the
wisdom to see which mindset someone is coming from.
 
Here are the first five.  The second half is coming tomorrow.



1)  "You're too picky.  Nobody is ever going to meet those
standards of yours!"


Considering the emotional, material and lifestyle costs of divorce,
I would counter this sort of talk with, "Are you out of your
freakin' MIND?!?" 

If you aren't going to be highly selective with regard to whom you
are spending the majority of the rest of your life with, then you
are setting yourself up for a world of pain. 

Believe it.  You MUST not settle.  Ever. 

Rather, do the work of becoming a man or woman who deserves
what you want, which we have talked about repeatedly around here.

Know what traits you require in a mate, and make sure you do your
share of the "heavy lifting" to ensure you are equally as valuable
a partner to the person who ultimately is your future mate.

Absolutely do what it takes.

Now if you're saying if a person isn't a fan of, say, Jack
Johnson's last album then "don't bother", then that's probably
being esoteric.  You understand the difference there.



2)  "All members of the opposite gender are evil / liars / generally
bad / screwed in the head.  You might as well get used to it."


Yeah well, there are a lot of messed up people out there.  And
there are also a lot of people who are not messed up. 

Assuming all in your life is framed positively, you must learn how
to spot signs of bad habits or lifestyle choices that will
potentially doom a relationship. 

Then, you must make a conscious decision to end a questionable
relationship while it's still relatively easy--i.e. before falling
in love with such a dangerous person.

From there you go about finding someone who isn't quite as broken.



3)  "Don't ever change. Someone will come along who loves you
exactly the way you are."


Did you ever notice that most people who go down the "self help" trail
fail? 

Why?  My belief is that in this culture there is a strong pressure
to "be yourself", and being "fake" is frowned upon. 

The hard truth is that while one is making changes to improve one's
life, those changes are going to have to be intentional behaviors--
and therefore not truly part of "being oneself" until they become
habit. 

So yes, this process is uncomfortable.  But when you think about it,
shouldn't your very best version of yourself be your true self,
even if you haven't yet arrived at the destination?

Read between the lines, and the whole "just be yourself" thing
comes from a poverty mentality.

If you want the best out of your life and in turn from a mate, you
must deserve what you want. 

This means, in no uncertain terms, you must do your part in making
sure the type of person you want to be in a relationship with
reciprocates those feelings. 

Tell me, does this not make perfect sense to you despite all the
chatter to the contrary?



4)  "Stop trying so hard.  Love comes around when you least
expect it."
   

Subscribe to this kind of thinking at work, in parenting your kids,
and/or in any other life situation that matters and see what
happens. 

If you want to succeed in your career you must get training and/or
education, you must show up, and you must put forth tremendous
effort.  If you want your kids to turn out to be great adults, you
must actively parent them. 

Nothing worth having is accomplished by putting less effort toward
it.  What we are talking about here is no exception.  You must
actively pursue the kind of relationship you want.



5)  "Perfect relationships don't exist.  Just be thankful that you
have someone.  Plenty of people have nobody!"
   

Way too many people stay in bad relationships for fear of not being
able to find someone else after the breakup.  This is a poverty
mindset. 

If high-quality relationships characterized by love, mutual
respect, a close bond, integrity, trust, amazing sex, and big fun
did not exist, then why would our hearts yearn for one? 

You were created to enjoy a powerfully effective relationship with
a special person--and you yourself were created to be that special
person for someone else.

Don't confuse this with "sappiness" on my part.  This is meant to
be "tough love" for many of you.



I'm sure you've heard some of those before, and now you know exactly
where to file them:  in the garbage.

But guess what?  I've saved what are arguably the five biggest
"whoppers" for next time.  Don't touch that dial.

=====






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