[X&Y] 5 Situations When You're Better Off Not Dating (Reader Question)

Published: Tue, 04/16/24



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IN THIS EDITION: There really are situations when it's best
to stop seeing women, at least for the time being...but only
five of them.

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READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS


Hello,

I have a question. Is there any time when someone honestly should
not date? If so, how do they know when to finally start dating?


Monty


P.S.  I love your podcasts. 
 


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Hello Monty, and thanks for writing.

I'm glad you're enjoying the podcasts. We have another episode
dropping tonight (Thursday), as usual. My guest is returning for
the third time and is a crowd favorite.

Anyway, you've asked one of those questions that makes for a good,
solid challenge. As such, I went through all the file cards to
make sure I didn't miss anything. 
 
When all the dust cleared, I thought of five legit reasons why a
person shouldn't date:
 

       1)  You are young enough that your parents still have
            authority in your life and prohibit it.
 
       2)  You are pending a divorce, and therefore not really
            single. This is especially true if there could be
            consequences in the courtroom for being involved with
            someone else while still legally married.

       3)  You are about to permanently relocate far, far away
            within a short amount of time.

       4)  You are either psychopathic and/or narcissistic enough to
            inflict wanton evil upon MOTOS (members of the other
            sex) without any regard whatsoever for their needs,
            desires, happiness or possibly even their personal safety.

       5)  You are dead.


If any of those situations apply you would most certainly want to
start meeting and going out with women once the issue at hand is
resolved, although #5 would be particularly difficult to overcome.

All joking aside, #4 is rough to get over as well.  Worse, the vast
majority of people I've known of who are like that aren't particularly
interested in changing. Worst of all, they're out there dating
anyway, whether they should or not.

But yes, I do believe that one should get back out there and start
meeting MOTOS as soon as possible after finalizing a divorce.

I don't subscribe to the typical "wait a year to recover" advice,
and here's why.

The longer you wait the more time you have to feel lonely and sorry
for yourself. By the time a full year passes, that mindset is likely
to become a full-blown habit.

Is that really the best way to "recover"? 

I've consistently found, in both personal experience and through
observing others, that it's best to build a thriving social life
that includes MOTOS without waiting even a minute.

That said, I don't believe in jumping into another exclusive
relationship (aka "the rebound") right away. Simply go out with
women and enjoy their company.

Bask in their favor rather than staying at home wallowing in some
combination of hurt, resentment and/or guilt.

The same exact principle holds true for relocation situations.

Yes, it's a good idea to avoid torturing yourself and some poor
woman by getting into some complicated relationship days before
moving thousands of miles away.

But it's JUST as great an idea to get out and meet women as soon
as you can after moving to a new place.

Just like in the divorce situation, it's all about heading off
loneliness and the negative visualizations that come with it at the
pass.

Notice that limiting beliefs of ANY type, laziness and supposing
that there are either no women around and/or that they wouldn't
want to go out with you anyway aren't on the list.
 

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