[X&Y] If Women "Aren't Feeling It" For You, Here's The #1 Reason
Published: Wed, 04/17/24
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IN THIS EDITION: We've been programmed to be "cordial",
whether we call it that or not. Is that such a good thing?
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NO MORE LOST TIME. JUST REAL RESULTS WITH THE WOMEN
YOU REALLY WANT.
Darrell in Arkansas is a highly successful medical professional
who had everything going on except the right woman to share his
life with. He had high standards, but not a whole lot of free time
to waste on bad dates.
Here's what he texted me recently:
"Hi Scot... It's a half hour until my wedding and I'm thinking of
you, thanking you. The time we've spent together and what you
have helped me discover has been invaluable. May all the gifts
you've given me be returned to you 100x over in the form of
blessings for you and Emily and your entire family. Thanks!"
Honestly, as much as I appreciated both his message AND
his resounding success, what is he doing texting me thirty
minutes before his wedding?
What's more, he's the one who achieve the success he is
now experiencing. I simply empowered him and motivated
him to get there.
But his story is one of many in a long line of happy successes.
That's what life is all about. And that's why I expect the few
open Ten-Plus spots i have now will fill up quickly, as usual.
If you've been thinking about doing a coaching program with
me--or perhaps have even talked to me about it in the past--
what is stopping you?
The first step is to either set up a time where we can talk about
where you are right now and where you'd like to be:
https://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/takeaction/
...or write me directly at:
[email protected]
Tell me your story. Also give me a way to contact you via phone or
Skype and a a couple of times that you can be reached.
I will be in touch with you personally to make sure Ten-Plus is a
good. You must be of sound mind, have a positive mindset toward
women and be motivated toward excellence.
If you can check those boxes, I can guarantee you results.
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IF WOMEN "AREN'T FEELING IT" FOR YOU, HERE'S THE
#1 REASON
Recently I've come to the conclusion that an overwhelming number of
guys tend to be cordial around women they've just met--especially
the ones they'd love to go out with.
Your response to that statement may be, "So what? Isn't that how
it's supposed to be?"
Well, that's certainly what mainstream society would lead you to
believe.
But "cordial" is a weird word, if you really think about it.
I mean, I looked it up in the dictionary and found the definition I
expected: Warm, friendly, gracious.
There's a hidden implication lurking behind it all, however.
Think about it. Whenever we find ourselves being cordial with
someone, or they with us, what's really going on there socially?
Generally speaking, it's not a whole lot.
A cordial greeting or cordial small talk is generally, if not
exclusively reserved for people we BARELY KNOW.
We're cordial when meeting people whom we want to make the
standard positive first-impression with.
We don't know them well enough to know exactly what to do with
them just yet, though. That means that we're anything BUT
vulnerable.
We guard against taking any social risks whatsoever. We don't turn
on the charm, we don't attempt humor and we refrain from showing
our sillier or quirkier side.
As the very definition itself says, we're also "gracious". We give
a LOT of leeway and keep any real, authentic thoughts we may
have to ourselves.
Being cordial typically involves smiling, overt friendliness and
most definitely a distinct avoidance of anything that would
potentially create discord or controversy.
Basically, we keep the tone "nice" and "safe".
And as you surely already know, I've just spelled out the killer
one-two punch that knocks out any semblance of attraction before
it even knows what hit it.
Yet men tend to meet women they find attractive and immediately
go into "cordial mode".
That's an even more dangerous problem than most guys will ever
fully understand.
For starters, there has never been a cordial conversation in the
history of mankind that was either original or interesting. You
stick to the basics, which ensures nobody's wires get crossed.
Cordial conversation leaves everybody involved neither better nor
worse for having participated.
As such, by being cordial with a woman you are insulating both of
you against any possibility for a real connection with any depth.
That means you'll find yourself spinning your wheels. You won't be
intriguing to her with all of that run-of-the-mill cordial stuff.
Nobody has ever intrigued anyone by saying, "I'm fine, how are
you?"
Likewise, you most certainly won't be making her feel more
comfortable with you, as if she's "known you for ten years".
Nobody has ever been cordial with someone they've known for ten
years, unless there's an uncomfortable rift in that relationship
somewhere.
A-ha...there's a massive point, right there. While cordiality may
SEEM friendly, it also carries the connotation that we're
really keeping the person we're talking to at arm's length ON
PURPOSE.
That's precisely what makes the concept of being "cordial" so
WEIRD. On the surface it seems "nice", but under that façade
often lurks a subtle awkwardness or even contempt that we dare
not address out in the open.
When you get right down to it, cordiality is all-too-often nothing
more than thinly veiled insincerity.
The next time you're tempted to be cordial with a woman when
you've first met her, bear all of this in mind.
Perhaps ironically, the less of a social risk you take with her the
MORE you're actually putting her very interest level itself at risk.
And no kidding, it's not like this is gender specific. No "chick
whispering" is really necessary here.
We don't know what to do with cordial women any more than
they know what to do with us.
So then, considering that women are hard-wired to follow a man's
lead, what kind of result could any man possibly expect from
leading with cordiality other than being put at arm's length?
Imagine that a man gets a woman's number. Wanting to take
things to the next level and get together with her, he sends her
this message:
"Hello Jennifer, I hope you are having a great day. I have two
tickets to the Livermore Winefest this Saturday and would be
honored if you would join me. Please let me know if this would
interest you. Take care, and I'll talk to you soon."
Now, bear in mind that there's not anything particularly wrong with
that approach, at least not socially. It's "nice" and "safe" so
there's no danger of looking creepy, weird or pushy.
It's just that it's cordial. Therefore, it's neither exciting, original nor
compelling.
Further, no intrigue is added to the equation and rapport is NOT
being advanced forward. Who knows what your sincere intentions
might be?
Worse, you're not exactly coming off as bold, masculine leader who
can stand up to a woman so as to better demonstrate that he could
potentially stand up FOR her.
On top of all else, anyone male OR female could have written such a
message to anyone else, as there is most certainly zero sexual
tension to be found there.
Tell me, when was the last time you had a cordial sexually charged
conversation with a woman? I hope you laughed out loud at that
one, because I did.
So what's a decent, respectful guy to do when he meets a woman, if
not be cordial?
I mean, you want to create sexual tension somehow rather than
playing it safe and watching everything fizzle out before your very
eyes.
Well, at the bare bones, baseline level why overcomplicate matters?
If you sense you're headed down the cordial path, call out the
obvious.
Simply tell her that you find her interesting and don't want to
have just another cordial conversation with her. That will serve
notice to her that you're intrigued by her, all the while not
giving any of your personal power away.
Believe me, she'll recognize that small measure of boldness and
appreciate it.
From there, you may want to make a calculated risk in the form of
saying something to her that acknowledges her femininity. As I've
said before, that eliminates the problem of coming off as cordially
"neuter".
Even the simple act of asking her to tell you more about herself
begins the trend away from being cordial. As she opens up about
herself, you can validate her vulnerability with rapport-building
vignettes of your own.
All the while, don't be afraid to have an opinion of your own, even
if it contrasts with hers. Save the unnecessary apologies, saying
things are "okay" when they aren't and any bland, generic, "safe"
answers to whatever she asks you.
Interact with her like a HUMAN, not a "magic 8-ball".
And of course, when talking to her be extra mindful to avoid any
artificially careful verbiage that smacks of cordiality. This goes
double for when you're asking her out.
Instead of announcing what you have tickets to and requesting the
honor of her presence if she can make it, make it a point to
suggest rather than ask and to speak less formally. Formal
language is a tell-tale sign of cordiality.
Casual and matter-of-fact conversation seems more familiar than
cordial, which is far better...within reason.
"Alright well, I've got tickets to the Western RodeoFest on
Friday night, and you know what? I've decided you should be
the one who joins me."
On the other hand, you don't want to get so familiar with her early
on that you're talking about farts and bitching about your boss.
Save that for later on.
There's nothing truly complicated to remember here, though. Simply
use good judgment and don't go overboard and you'll be fine.
The next thing you know, she'll feel like the two of you have known
each other for ten years. Mission accomplished.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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