Last week I shared about my
initial visit to Float Nashville and the ninety seconds of terror I endured in the first five minutes of my session. If you missed it, click
here. I refused to let that terrifying start steal the gifts I had read about, and was so excited to experience. Mind over matter, I persevered and I’m so glad I was given the courage to do so because of the transformation that began in me that day.
A few days ago, I had my second amazing float. Even though my first float ended up being incredible, the second one was still intimidating, given what happened. But I took my time, got comfortable with opening and closing that door, and it was great. Buying more sessions right away secured my commitment to making these in-depth immersions into stillness (literally) a regular part of my life. They will continue to inform and inspire my daily
meditations at home.
So how did the first session go from frightening to awesome? Once I settled myself down, I drifted into a state where I didn't feel I had a body any more. At times, I found myself thinking, Am I
floating? Only to confirm that of course I was.
Sometime during my first visit in the float tank, I heard these affirmations:
This is the way it's supposed to be.
This is how life is supposed to feel.
This is the way of ease.
This is what ease looks and feels like; remember this always.
Now I have a tangible benchmark for "ease." I know what it looks like, what it feels like. I know what it isn't, when I'm having a day of frustration.
Even when I'm not in the tank, I know what I'm
aiming for in meditation and mindfulness practice, and when I hit the mark. (Meditation and mindfulness can definitely overlap, but they aren’t the same thing… another blog perhaps). For the first time, I truly understand why I'm meditating now.
I had always heard I should meditate, that it's so great for me, blah blah blah. Now I personally know the fullness that can be attained in absolute stillness for a sustained period of time.
Prior to floating, if I managed to devote any time to meditation, I was lucky to be still for up to ten minutes. I counted it a victory if I did it at all, even if it was only a minute of meditation, because I wanted to develop the habit and was aiming for consistency at the very least. But for many days (months, years), I have intermittently resisted doing it at all. Why? I had not yet tasted the fruit—the undeniable benefit—that I needed in order to truly motivate my practice and take it
from a “should” to a "want," and even a “must.”
.
No longer am I trying to meditate just to check it off my daily to-do list. Rather, I am craving that place of stillness, where everything else goes away, and the present
moment takes center stage. Where nothing can feel like the everything I have always needed. Where my mind and thoughts are no longer in charge of me, and the real me can surface unclouded by mental noise.
Even so…
Some days, I am still doing the familiar avoidance dance around meditation, despite knowing the peace that's available if I make the time to give myself the gift. Ironically, my irritation levels
have actually increased in the last week. For a few days, I couldn’t figure out why, but I have finally recognized that these are growing pains!
I’ve discovered personally that meditation is a necessary nutrient for
good living, and when I don’t give it to myself, even though it’s readily available, a part of me is getting ticked off.
"Real meditation" as opposed to “check the box” meditation has suddenly (as a result of the float
tank experiences) become more necessary to me, like eating, sleeping and breathing. Not giving myself this daily gift when I easily have the capacity to do so is creating internal discord, resulting in external aggravation with everyone and everything.
Thanksfully, I recognize what’s happening now, which is yet another gift motivating me to dedicate time for daily stillness. I need that space for my spirit to get calm so that I can consistently be the person I am when I am nurturing all the parts of me, in all the best ways I know how. I love who that person is for herself, and who she can then be for others. I feel called to this higher way to live and more willing than ever to show
up.
Are you with me? Next week I'm going to share how easy it is to get into this space at home, or even on break at work, no float tank required!
