GOING BACK, MOVING FORWARD
By Hannah Brenchner
I’m writing to you tucked in the corner of an eclectic Mexican restaurant located in C terminal at the Charlotte airport. I’m not even that hungry. It’s more for symbolic reasons that I’m even sitting here.
I vividly remember being here in 2015. It was the day after Valentine’s Day. I was coming from a speaking engagement and only the people closest to me knew the dark pit I was walking out of at that time in my life. The severe depression had
leveled me but we were finally starting to see glimpses of light in the everyday fight. Still, everything felt so fragile and hard. I was returning to Atlanta and planning to pack up my life and move back to Connecticut.
I remember rolling my suitcase through the airport, coming around the bend of this very terminal. I was mumbling under my breath. A stream of consciousness meets a steady prayer.
“God, I just want to go back to how things used to be. Before all this depression. I
would give anything to go back.”
I’ll never forget moving past this Mexican restaurant when I heard a response almost instantly, “But you weren’t happy then.” Maybe it was God. Perhaps it was me. I don’t know.
But I know it was the first time in that stretch of months that I finally woke up to what I was doing: I was romanticizing the past so that I wouldn’t have to look toward the future. I was trying so hard to reclaim a life that shattered for a reason. I told the God of New
Things that I’d like to stick with the old and familiar, and it was like he was saying back to me:
You are never going back to that place. You will never live that life again.
And while that hurts your spirit now, it will make sense one day. It will all make sense. The future is brighter than you can imagine, but you must move in a new direction. You have to lay down your shattered expectations. You have to release your past. You can’t take this baggage with you any
You can’t possibly receive what’s coming to you if you’re hands are full with what isn’t for you anymore...read more