The Gist
Rex Ellis wants people to pay him ~$7,000 per person to go on a 12 day boat tour with 7 other strangers down the Warburton River (in the Simpson Desert) to Lake Eyre... in a fortnight.
Why It Sucks:
- Assumes people are interested
- Raises more questions than answers
- Value isn't justified for the offer
How To Improve It:
- Assume people aren't interested
For space ads in a publication like this national newspaper, you don't know the reader's interests like you would with a niche publication. You need to assume they don't know who Rex Ellis is, nor do they understand the significance of why the Warburton River flowing again. Which means you need to lead with something interesting.
- Answer questions before they're asked
Because this ad assumes so much, a reader is left with several unanswered questions. Remember, a confused prospect is never a buyer, so it's best to pre-emptively answer as much as you can before it becomes a question in the readers mind.
- Justify the value of your offer
Note that your offer comprises of multiple parts - the actual 'thing' you sell is but one part. Your price, the terms, and presentation are others. Together, they dictate how attractive your offer is to your buyer and whether it's perceived to be "good value" or "too expensive" - all of which is subjective - based on the alternatives they may consider to fulfil the same 'job'. In this case, the 'job' a tour with Rex Ellis is, broadly, a unique and memorable experience.
Let me know if this concept of alternatives and 'jobs' needs more explaining, as the alternative options your prospect might choose, also known as your 'competition', aren't just the people you directly compete against.
This ad fails on multiple accounts to justify why anyone would pay $7,000 to get in a boat with Rex Ellis for 12 days with 7 strangers.
The choice of a space ad to make a sale was altogether inappropriate; a better choice would've been an advertorial or insert if you wanted to sell something with no further information.
You could describe the itinerary for each of the 12 days through a journal account, for example. Have some actual pictures of what you'll see and miss out on. Hit 'em with some FOMO.
Otherwise, this space ad should've been used as a 'two-step' interest-getting ad instead.
Who this ad would speak to, is someone keenly aware of:
- Where Lake Eyre is (unsurprisingly, most Aussies I asked knew of it - a good sign for the original headline)
- Why you need to act fast to get there via the Warburton River (basically no one knew where it was or why it was important)
- Who Rex Ellis is (ditto above)
- Why you can trust Rex Ellis
- Why $7,000 is a reasonable price
- Why it takes 12 days to do this trip
Which makes it a perfect ad for targeted distribution online or in a niche publication.
My 5-minute Redo:
7 Brave Souls Needed: View World's Largest Sand Dune Desert By Boat - Onward to Lake Eyre!
A 12-day expedition only a handful have ever done
ACT NOW the Warburton River flows once again - may go dry at any time.
Accompany famed adventurer and Australia's longest running bush guide of 50 years, Rex Ellis on his renowned boat safari through the Simpson Desert.
Must Depart: May 7, 31 | April 15 Discounts for pairs & groups
Go now to: safarico.com.au/7BraveSouls
Because it's a printed ad, there are hard limits on the space available. So, I need some economical copy covering the biggest selling points.
- I started with a quick Google search on the Simpson Desert and found it's the world's largest sand dune desert - huge draw card.
- Then I checked out the Safari Co website - archaic itself, but I discovered that Rex Ellis is a veritable Indiana Jones of Australian bush tours!
- I can't fit anything more, so the rest of the ad are details and a CTA
- No price because it needs to be further justified, which the landing page would do (I've made a new one with "7BraveSouls" to refer back to the print ad, making offline to online tracking and ROI calculation easy)
- Gave a believable justification for the short time frame (may go dry at any time)
- Added an incentive for pairs and groups to help encourage a higher order value. You think a retired couple wouldn't be interested in this?
Now, it's not AMAZING, but for a quick 5-minute redo, it's better. The landing page opens you up to many follow up opportunities and better chances of selling people on the spot to buy tickets.
What would you do?
How would you improve this ad? What strategy might you use on the landing page or as follow up to this ad in the days leading up to the departure date?
Let me know or leave your thoughts in the Facebook group.
Also, did you know I've got a little feedback system at the bottom of each email? If you loved it (or hated it) just tap one of the faces and let me know.
