Dear , Let me start off by saying I'm not sure I 100% agree with this advice at all times. Yes, silence can work to your advantage, but it can also go against you. I wanted to simply present the perspective of how it may bolster your position. Here's an article by INC. Magazine's Jeff Hayden, entitled: Science Says Use the 3-Second Rule to Become Remarkably Persuasive If you're like me, you hate to negotiate. (Maybe that's why I'm not very good at negotiating; for me, it's a task to be avoided or, worst case, completed as quickly as possible.) Consider negotiating in a broader context, though, and you and I "negotiate" all
the time. Like when we explain the logic and benefits of a position. Or when we try to convince someone that an idea or premise makes sense. Or when we try to show someone how a decision will generate a desired return. Or when we try to help someone understand the benefits of a particular change. Think of it that way, and you and I negotiate all the time, even though we aren't trying to "win." We want both parties to win. The Three-Second RuleImagine you need someone to negotiate on your behalf. Stereotypically, the person you want enjoys confrontation. Is a little aggressive. Is more than happy to posture, bluff, and feign occasional outrage. What you don't imagine is someone who sometimes sits quietly --
even though that's exactly what you probably need. And is exactly, if you're trying to work through a difficult problem and arrive at a great solution, what you should do. As the researchers write: ...
extended silence increases value creation by interrupting default, fixed-pie thinking and fostering a more deliberative mindset. Instructing negotiators to use silence is more effective for value creation than instructing them to problem-solve. Challenging the social perception perspective that silence is a form of intimidation, we find no evidence for any associations between extended silence and the proportion of value claimed or
subjective value of the counterpart.
The last paragraph is key; while you might think sitting silently might come across as an attempt at intimidation, it doesn't. Instead, people assume you're thinking. You're reflecting. You aren't just reacting. You aren't just trying to get your way. You're trying to find a way that works for both of you. Try it. The next time you're negotiating, or simply trying to persuade or convince, see occasional silence as your friend. The more quickly you respond, the less deliberative you will seem. The less thoughtful you will seem. The more "dug in" you will
appear. At the very least, taking an occasional pause shows the other person you're listening. That you're trying to understand their needs and their point of view. Better yet, taking an occasional pause help you to actually reflect on the other person's needs and point of view -- which, as the
researchers found, leads to greater value creation: Instead of trying to take as much of the existing pie as you can, a little silence helps you and the other party find ways to create an even bigger pie that you can share. Because negotiating -- as well as persuading and convincing -- isn't a game to be won or lost. The best outcome is when both people feel they received something of value. When both people agree on a decision or direction because they genuinely agree. Not because they felt pushed, or forced, or "negotiated" into agreeing. _____________________________ Until next time... And,
remember, K.I.C. (Keep It Coptic). To read Nader Anise's bio on Wikipedia, go to: Your friend,
Nader Founder of the Coptic Chamber ABOUT NADER
ANISE For the last 30 years, Nader’s talents as a marketing strategist and copywriter have generated hundreds of millions of dollars for himself and his clients. In addition, he is a recognized PR expert, and has been featured in countless media outlets such as: The Wall Street Journal, NBC, CBS, Forbes, Bloomberg and USA Today. Nader’s storied marketing and sales experience has enabled him to mentor business owners in all types of industries, including: legal, medical, financial, therapeutic, mortgage, investment, wealth, retail, insurance, transportation, pharmaceutical, clothing, restaurant, real estate, education, insurance, construction, internet, telecommunications, manufacturing and many others. Nader has educated over 25,000 business owners from all around the world on sales and marketing. To read Nader Anise's bio on Wikipedia, go to: 3 AMAZING FACTS ABOUT NADER ANISE, ESQ. FACT #1: In 2001, Nader wrote a one page press release that
generated over $2,200,000 in free national publicity. FACT #2: Within four years of starting his law practice, Nader was featured on the cover of Lawyers Weekly USA section B (currently Lawyers USA) and was lauded for his remarkable achievement of building a "thriving law practice... without spending a penny on advertising." FACT #3: Nader landed on the cover of the Wall Street Journal after sending the editor a cold email with a subject line that consisted of nine words, including, ONE key, riveting word. (BONUS FACT): Nader wrote a direct mail letter for a small business that created such an
overwhelming response, the owner sent Nader a frantic email with the message: "You're killing me with all the new business. We are busting at the seams and all my employees are freaking out..." Subscribe to our YouTube channel: Did you enjoy this newsletter? Please share it using one of the buttons below:
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