Look, I know we usually talk about the weather to kick things off each week. You know, we’re gardeners; it’s a natural talking point. But with wildfires and hurricanes and NOAH making a statement that El Nino will most likely continue into the winter, I would rather talk about anything else.

Tax law.

The extended warranty you got with your new refrigerator.

Aunt Ruth’s goiter. 

Whenever I open the gate and walk into my garden, I can almost hear my plants worrying, “What will we be hit with this week? Are we going to drown? Burn under the scorching sun? Get knocked over by torrential rain and tornado-force winds? Drown while being burned under the sun and knocked over by the wind?”

In my decades of gardening, this is the saddest garden I’ve ever had. What a season.

But I’ve found the most ingenious method of pest prevention this year.  

Whenever something goes wrong in my garden, the owner of Rural Sprout, James, loves it.

He gets giddy whenever I send him a photo of my zucchini leaves turning brown. Or holes in my pepper plants because they’re being eaten by a mysterious pest. Or tomatoes with odd spots on the leaves.   

Way back in early spring, he asked if I would write another piece about tomato hornworms. And as usual, I said, “There you go again, they aren’t even out in the garden yet, and you’re wishing ill on my tomatoes!” 

But, of course, I said yes; I thought the piece he wanted me to cover sounded neat.

So, I planted my tomatoes. And we waited. And they grew. And we waited some more. 

Nope. Not a one. Not a single chubby green caterpillar. 

I was secretly relieved because, as cool as this article is, having tomatoes to eat is even cooler.

Finally, this last week when he asked if my tomatoes had been invaded and I said no, we realized we were running out of gardening season for this particular piece. In desperation, he asked,

“Can’t you buy those things?” 

I had two dozen of them shipped to my front door from a breeder in Maryland. Let me tell you; it’s a bit odd paying someone to mail you pests that you try your hardest to keep out of your garden.

But, over the years, I've just accepted that my garden is the Rural Sprout Test Garden. 

I immediately fed half of them to my chickens, who were ecstatic over the wriggling treats. The remaining tomato hornworms are in a sealed container with air holes far away from my tomatoes.

I’ve been fattening them up with pruned tomato leaves getting them ready for their photo shoot. (Keep checking the site this week. It’s going to be an interesting article.) Just don’t tell them as soon as the camera stops clicking, they’re going in the chicken run.

Next spring, I’m going to submit a list of pests to James and have him brainstorm articles he’s really excited about. This will ensure I don’t have any of those pests in my garden next summer.

Shortlisted are: 

• Flea beetles
• Imported cabbageworm
• And squash bugs