Have you ever noticed how two people can experience the exact same event but walk away with completely different stories? It's fascinating, isn't it? The world we live in is not just a series of random happenings—it's the result of the stories we create in our minds. These stories shape our understanding, influence our
emotions, and ultimately determine our reality.
Consider a rainy day. For one person, it's a gloomy, miserable experience that dampens their spirits. For another, it's a refreshing, calming moment that brings a sense of renewal. What's the difference? It's the story each person tells themselves about the rain. Our interpretations and the meanings we attach to
events shape our experiences.
Try this exercise… it can transform your life. This will help you become more aware of the stories you tell yourself and learn how to rewrite them for a more fulfilling life.
- Observe Your Stories: Spend a day
taking note of the stories you're telling yourself. Pay attention to everything—people, events, your work, personal life, relationships, even mundane things like the weather. Write down these stories, especially those you're certain are true.
- Select a Story: Choose one situation, preferably something that bothers you or you
don't like. Maybe it's a conflict at work, a misunderstanding with a friend, or a recurring negative thought about yourself.
- Identify the Story: Ask yourself, "What is the story I'm telling about this situation?" Be honest and detailed. How does this story make you feel? How is it influencing your actions?
- Assess the Story's Impact: Reflect on how this story is serving you. Is it helping you grow, or is it holding you back? Sometimes, even negative stories can serve us by keeping us in our comfort zones.
- Become a Neutral Observer: Now, challenge yourself to become a neutral observer. Rewrite the story from a completely neutral perspective. Just the facts—no opinions, no interpretations. For example, if your story is "My boss hates me," the neutral version could be "My boss gave me critical feedback on my project."
- Rewrite the Story: Finally, rewrite the story in a way that serves you better. This doesn't mean ignoring reality but rather interpreting it in a more empowering way. For instance, the new story could be, "My boss gave me feedback because they want to help me improve and succeed."
Let's put this into context with a story I
recently worked through with a friend. A while back, she found herself frustrated with a colleague who she believed was always undermining her efforts. Her story was, "They don't respect me and want to see me fail." This narrative fueled her anger and created tension at work.
Following the exercise, she identified the story and assessed its impact—it was
damaging her peace of mind and her professional relationships. She rewrote the story from a neutral standpoint: "My colleague provided feedback on my project." Then, she reframed it positively: "My colleague's feedback, though sometimes critical, can help me see blind spots and improve my work."
This shift in perspective transformed her experience. It created
distance between the constant negative story she was telling herself and a story that she could use to better serve her professional life. She started seeing feedback as a resource rather than an attack, which improved interactions and work quality.
The stories we tell ourselves have immense power. If our world is largely made up of these stories, then isn't
it worth it to tell ourselves ones that serve us?
Take a day to observe, identify, and rewrite your stories. You'll be amazed at how this simple exercise can change your outlook and your life.
