Being a Happy Man First – Happy Husband Second
Kevin’s personal challenge is hardly rare these days. I didn’t escape it either. It’s the mindset and belief that we are dependent on outside validation and acceptance in order to be happy men. It’s the trap of holding others hostage for making us feel whole and worthy.
It makes us resent them for not filling those needs. And, in turn, they resent us for being given an utterly impossible assignment.
I regarded women, sex and marriage as oases from which my sense of well-being could be filled – anytime I needed.
Feeling like a happy man required me to be dependent on feminine approval, sexual surrender and unconditional commitment.
Perhaps like me, you are the product of a few generations of men who have obtained their PhD’s in the art of pleasing women and using relationships with them as the wellspring for your sense of masculine purpose and value.
This is a habit we develop early on when we find easy targets in our mothers, aunts and teachers who are all too willing to let us drink from their generous fountain of approval and “attaboys”.
This is exacerbated by the absence of strong, masculine role models to teach us another way.
So what now?
We’re decades past our formative years and still confused on what to do next.
The only possible way to achieve true happiness inside our relationships is to take responsibility for learning what it truly means to be a happy man outside our relationships.
First things first.
This means we must deliberately and mercifully release those we’ve held accountable for our happiness.
I don’t mean leave them – I mean release the pressure from them.
Not only will they feel a massive wave of relief as we lighten their load…so will we.
As we take our own initiative we will feel the departure of our clinging inner boy who has feared this day for some time now.
The Key to Becoming a Happy Man
Learning to become a happy man is your paramount mission. Nothing else is more important and nothing else will improve your life more dramatically.
Men first approach me with this problem when their intimate, committed, romantic relationship has hit a wall. It’s in these relationships where we first feel the intense pain of masculine inadequacy and powerlessness.
It’s the first time our lack of emotional self-reliance is so vulnerably exposed. And our women don’t waste much time testing that sensitive underbelly.
They can’t and won’t accept our demands for attention and validation like our mothers and teachers did.
It’s actually a favor if you can get yourself to see the beauty in it.
I know how tough that can be.
The key to becoming a happy man inside our relationships is to learn that we already have everything we need inside of us to be happy.
We have the ability, imagination and initiative to create whatever we want and to become whatever we want.
Happiness comes from choosing to manipulate our own circumstances – not the people around us.
If we no longer want to be an unhappy man who seeks his well-being and worthiness from others, we can change that circumstance.
If we want to feel more confident in ourselves and our sexual value we can change that circumstance.
And if we want to build emotional self-reliance and a sense of personal power, we can change that circumstance.
This is totally achievable when we develop more clarity around our personal values and self-expectations.
We must reprogram our confused notions about our masculine value, women and sex.
And we have to accept responsibility for believing in our own self-worth and developing the confidence to stand strong in what we expect from ourselves and for ourselves.
Is it significantly more work to do that than to demand others to do it for us?
Yes.
But which one will create the real results and lasting happiness we want for our next 30 years?
Owning our happiness and facing our fears is a scary proposition. Fear of change and the unknown is what freezes us in place.
The safest, most supportive, challenging and inspiring place I learned how to face these fears and start leading my life and relationship again was with other men.
So I created this community of men for me to continue to learn and grow and be a better man every day and I want to invite you to join us...
