I say this about 20 times a week. 

STAY IN YOUR LANE, BROTHER! 

I say it to men who are stumbling into negativity, dark thoughts and unnecessary conflict. 

But what does it mean? 

It means to stop driving into the drama created by others. 

It means to stop believing every bad day is a sign that something is wrong. 

And when things are going great, don’t get caught up in believing they will always be great. 

Life is an experience of ups and downs…highs and lows. But if you don’t know where YOUR LANE is, you’ll drive all over the freaking road feeling out of control…a victim of circumstances. 

If you don’t know where YOUR LANE is, you’ll tend to drive in everybody else’s lane…reacting to THEIR emotions and measuring yourself by THEIR moods and THEIR approval. 

You must create a lane for yourself that is peaceful, calm and confident.

Your lane is a mindset that constantly reassures you that you’re OKAY.

And no matter what’s going on around you, you’re going to be okay.

Your lane is a set of personal beliefs and values that cause you to think more clearly, speak more honestly and act more boldly. 

In the video below I talk about what happens and how it feels when you don't know your own lane:

Your lane is a place of comfort, a place of self-satisfaction, of being pleased with who you are, of knowing your value and knowing that you’re going to be OK

Stay in your lane is a mantra we use a lot when coaching men when we find them veering away from their calm, strong, confident frame of behavior.

It’s something that has a huge affect on his relationship and his partner’s ability to open up to him.

Sometimes when a man is outside his frame, he goes really dark. He goes really silent and brooding and he gets upset, taking everything personally, he gets defensive and everything is dark and negative to him. Other times he’s really high – unusually high and on top of the world.

Either one of those positions aren’t that believable. Don’t believe all your highs and don’t believe all your lows!

When I say “Stay in your lane” what I mean is, stay in your masculine frame.

Exactly one week ago it was crappy around here, there was eight inches of snow on the ground, the wind was howling and what usually would have been a forty-five minute drive took me two hours to get home.

I could have let it get to me, but I just needed to stay in my lane.

It was a crappy day, a crappy night, and then the next two days were only twelve degrees.  And now…just seven days later, it’s sixty-five degrees. I’m not wearing a coat and I’m about to jump on my motorcycle!

Sometimes we have to learn to stay in our lane no matter what the weather is doing around us. No matter what other people are saying, no matter what they’re doing, no matter however you’re being treated, you have to realize that your lane is a place of comfort, a place of self-satisfaction, of being pleased with who you are, of knowing your value and knowing that you’re going to be OK.

Stay in your lane means that no matter what is going on around you, whether you’re having an unusually crappy, blizzard day or an unusually great day, don’t take any of it too seriously. Know that at your core, on your average ideal day, you’re doing just fine.

This is important because when you’re in a relationship where things seem to be going up and down on a rollercoaster or even when you’re stuck in limbo not knowing how things are between the two of you, you tend to think dark negative thoughts, you tend to dip down and stray out of your lane. You start to follow the energy of those around you who seem to be in bad moods or in dark negative, depressed places.

When you stay in your lane, you stay in your own sense of calmness, your own sense of worthiness, your own sense of self-sourced happiness and wellbeing, and when you do that, the one thing I can GUARANTEE you is that the things around you change.

So just as blizzards come and blizzards go, you have to stay in your lane and get through it and you’ll be OK. You’re always going to be OK.

You have to believe that.

This is a matter of faith.

Faith in yourself and your ability to change your experience.

I want you to know that you’ve been giving weight to things that are happening around you which don’t deserve the attention you’re giving them. You’ve been giving meaning to things that other people are saying and doing that you shouldn’t be and it’s holding you back from the fulfilling life and relationship that you want to have.

This men’s work that we do is all about helping you get a different understanding of your situation, so that you can see that you are actually OK right now and that you’re going to be OK.

And from there you finally have access to your masculine strength and confidence to change your situation.

Learning to stay in your lane is a constant process of self-awareness and self-correction. Your hands are always moving slightly on the wheel…keeping yourself in the correct lane.

The process requires the willingness and effort to learn. This means reading, talking, sharing and supporting other men. The process also requires you to accept help from others.

If you want to learn how to start “staying in your lane”, with rock solid confidence and self-respect so you can KNOW you’re OK even when you’re in the middle of chaos, then here are your options to get started...